"Pretending"

Now What?

Hyungwon woke up with two weights on his chest, one physical and one emotional.

The physical one wasn't so bad, it was warm and provided comfort, the hair was soft and Hyungwon began to play with it when he noticed it wouldn't disturb the other's sleep. The strands easily slipped through his fingers which made him want to ruffle it more. Suddenly, Mingyu's job seemed a lot more appealing. His eyes followed down the rest of the man's body, he could feel the arm underneath his back and there were lumps in the sheets for Minhyuk's legs.

His own leg was bent sideways and the one closest to the other was straightened. His arms were free but if he moved his chest even the slightest it would probably wake Minhyuk from slumber.

The emotional weight had gotten lighter as he played with Minhyuk's hair, being distracted and all, but remembering how he had acted last night caused the pause in his ministrations and a tug at his chest, weighing him down further into the mattress.

He was confused.

Did he like Minhyuk? Did he really like Minhyuk? Are his feelings simply because Kihyun won't be there anymore or does he truly want Minhyuk to be with him? Was he just using Minhyuk?

He knew he cared about Minhyuk, he knew he cared about the other a lot but he didn't know in what way.

He cared about Hyunwoo, he's the person that keeps Kihyun happy and Hyungwon could trust him with that duty no matter how much it hurt.

He cared about Jihoon, Soonyoung, and Seungcheol. They gave him a job and made sure he was doing alright, they were making sure to pay him and avoid overworking as much as possible.

He cared about Kihyun, he cared so much that if he was asked to kill himself for Kihyun's safety he would agree in a heartbeat. Would he do the same for Minhyuk?

Was he just feeling an attraction because Minhyuk feels one? Is he taking pity on Minhyuk's feelings towards him?

He was scared.

He was scared to tell Minhyuk about his thoughts. He was scared of raising the other's expectations only to crush them if he realizes he only used Minhyuk as a rebound.

He was scared of ruining their friendship with his own feelings, if he did have feelings for Minhyuk he was sure he still had feelings for Kihyun he was afraid of them getting in the way of his relationship.

He was scared of treating Minhyuk the same way he treated Hoseok.

He was scared that Minhyuk's feelings changed.

What if Minhyuk didn't like him anymore? What if he realized just how in love Hyungwon was with Kihyun and gave up deciding to move on just as Hyungwon came to accept his feelings for the other?

He was terrified of hurting Minhyuk.

The other had done nothing but good things to him, listened to his sob stories and stayed with him when they were too much.

He covered his eyes with his forearm, trying to block out the world and ignore the weight on and inside his chest. He could feel guilty tears make their way towards his eyes again and decided it would be best if he got away for a while before Minhyuk woke up to him breaking down.

He tried his best to slide out of the bed without Minhyuk waking up but every time he tried to move Minhyuk's arms would tighten around his torso and trap him even more. Giving up, he huffed and stared at the ceiling while willing the tears away, thoughts clouding within him as silence took over.

He ended up dozing off again, waking up alone and cold. The blankets were pushed towards the end of the bed and he heard the faint sound of his toilet flushing, Minhyuk was still there? He palmed his bed for his phone, time telling him that he had slept through most of the day.