Annoying sunshine // Phan {COMPLETED}

Chapter 11 |-/ first

Dan
" Dan will you be my boyfriend "

I didn't know how to describe what I was feeling . My heart was racing yet it felt like it had stopped . The fuzzy feeling in my stomach was replaced with a sinking feeling . I was so undecided . Yet I knew what I wanted but the words never came out .

I wanted phil in my life but I wanted him out aswell . The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I hear his name or when I see his face , his smile and everything about him must mean something .

But every time I see myself I think about what he doesn't know . Phil would be with me and my thoughts . I knew in my head that if I was with phil I would spill everything , his voice was to soothing , his face was to kind , his thoughts where to happy .

But my thoughts if phil had been previously scarred . When I came round yesterday before the kiss , I saw Phil but not the one I knew . The bruised and kept away phil . His eyes suddenly seemed to be to bright for his mind . He was confused that night so was I maybe he was still confused now .

My head still hasn't strait , I doubt his was ether . Was this just all confusion , in a world of pain once you have a match do you light the fire with no gasoline . Phil had me for the time being , but saying yes would mean committing and committing would mean at some point ending , it was inevitable . If death didn't meet us first then our friendship could be gone .

I didn't know if I wanted to risk my match when I hardly had a piece of wood to light it with . I always had I issue with overthinking . I always expect the worst outcome and it normally is , I wanted to drive of into the Sunset but of course every road ends , sunset soon turns into dark .

Phils expression was unreadable , his head was hidden looking down at his feet . Which made me question if he was serious , this could all be a joke . No one has ever liked me before why start now .

Phil
Dan had just been staring at me , I could feel it . He was trying to read what I was thinking but I was hiding it . I was feeling nostalgia , I had done this before kids don't go of the rails for mo reason .

Flashback

"Sam , will you be my boyfriend ?"

I was 15 and I was asking my best friend and first boy crush Sam out . We had known each other for 7 years and we where inseparable . Sam didn't know I was bi , so I didn't know what made me think this was a good idea .

The only nope I had at that moment was that Sam has never really expressed his sexuality to me that why my hopes started to climb that he might like me . But his face didn't seem like he did .

It was cold but not as cold as his expression . It was bland but disappointed . Sam didn't even bother to give me a stereo typical it's not you its me explanation . He just left me standing in the freezing cold left with a simple but blunt explanation .

" phil You might want to leave " that all he said , all he left with me . It wasn't Kind it was cold and empty , soon it turned into wicked . He told people but he told twisted words . I realised Sam wasn't the loving person I knew him to be .

He told people I was gay and I had attacked Him . Of course they believed him . My friends soon turned on me . I had once knew every thing as kind and trusting now it was dark and lonely .

When Sam rejected me .

When they first called me fat .

When I first got drunk .

When I first passed out on the floor to drunk to care .

When I first saw the tears streaming down there face .

When the first and only time o saw there dead bodies lying on the floor .

Each first pushed me further near the edge . It was like a wall pushing me over the edge , you can't escape it but you can make it stop . Dan made me feel like I could stop the wall and turn it into ashes , all with a smile plastered on my face . He was a hard shell with a empty empty inside . But that made me want to make it fill . He needed help so did I and we could fix each other .

"Y-yes " I snapped out of my trance to see a teary eyed dan smiling , his dimples popping and his eyes were happy .

"W-hat " is all I could stutter out .

"Yes phil I would love to be you're boyfriend " Dan hopped of the counter and Embraced me in a hug . I hugged back squeezing dan lightly he still flinched from the bruises that must have been under his jumper but he didn't mention it  . I didn't think he would .

I felt like with dan even though he was so confusing he is so easy to understand to me . Dan had a wall but I was already breaking it .