i miss you mom...

looking down at the cold grey stone in front of me, my face showing no emotions to the world around me but my heart had it different. moving my eyes down to the white daisies clutched in my shaky hand. A small smile spreads across my lips as I look back.

"they were always your favourite hey?" I whisper to myself.

*flash black*

"Mommy! Mommy! look at these pretty flowers!" I call out to my mother, running and pointing to the white daisies with enthusiasm. my mom giggled, finding my antics amusing and walked over to me with a soft smile, she bends down to my height looking at the flowers, dancing with the wind.

"they are pretty aren't they?" she comments, softly picking one and putting it behind my ear. my small grin grows bigger as I hug her.

"I love you mommy" I mumble, my words were muffled by her shirt. she chuckles, picking me up sitting me on her hip.

"I love you too," she says, gently kissing me on my forehead.

"end of flashback*

bending down, I gently place the flowers on the green grass that is slowly starting to grow. sitting down I cross my legs and sat there.

"10 years mom..." I state frowning as I stare at the sky and at the clouds overhead.

"I miss you..." I whispered feeling my eyes tear up a bit but not letting it fall. to calm myself I take in a shaky breathe and release. I close my eyes and picture her smiling face in my head. a small smile appears but just as fast as it came it left. I open my eyes and tear it away from the sky to my still shaking hands and sigh.

"and even after... all the things he did," I say taking a pause to think of what to say.

"I bet dad also misses you"

*flashback*

I wake up to the sound of yelling. I open my eyes to see my darkroom and sit up rubbing my eyes. straining my ears I try to listen to what the yelling's all about, but it was all muffled by the walls around me. Quietly I get up from the bed and grabbed my teddy and walk to my door. opening it, the old rusty door creaking slightly as I flinch. the voice becoming more clear sounding like a male to my ears.

"daddy?" I whisper to no one in particular. following the voice till I reach the kitchen door.

"you....little................... child..... to" straining my ears so I can hear but all I could hear was little bits. swallowing my nervousness and taking a deep breathe in, i put my hand on the handle ready to twist it. but to my surprise, it twisted by itself and opened so fast I had to blink a couple of times to proces what happened. being my 10-year-old self I'm quite short so all i saw was a male body in front of me. gulping i slowly look up to see a very very angry man only known as my dad. he was about to walk but froze when he saw me. taking a small frightened step back i hold my teddy closer to my chest. just then i smell the alcohol coming off him like a sandstorm had hit me square in the face.

"Caitlyn..." he says slowly, clear venom seeping from the word that is my name. my eyes widen slightly and i try to look past him to mommy. she was hunched over by the kitchen counter her right hand holding her up while her face showed worry and fear. my dad stood in my way before i could go to her.

"out of bed are we? and better yet snooping on your parents conversations?" his voice was filled with pure anger that made my entire body shake with fear.

"n-" i was about to protest but before i could he grabbed my arm firmly and lifted me in the air. i drop my teddy and gasp with the sudden pain in my shoulder. i hear my mother shout out for him to stop but he just ignored her.

"p-please daddy please! it hurts! please p-put me down!" i squirm out tears falling down my cheeks.

"shut up!" he shouted out slapping me in the face with his free hand. trying to soften my sobs so i don't get hit again he smirks.

"you know your a very pretty girl," he says gently and caresses the cheek he hit that was now red. i try to get away from his touch but the gentleness went away a he slapped the cheek again make more tears come out of my now red eyes.

"but your a huge cry baby!" he shouted at me. not like i didn't know....

"you know i should probably teach you a lesson for not staying in bed," he says slowly.

"no don't hurt her!" my mothers cries was the only thing i heard before my dad threw me at the wall. then... it went all black.

*end of flashback*

"they found him mom..." a small smile spread across my lips at the thought. "he's in prison now." i clarify

"oh and it our birthdays... happy birthday to the best mother ever" i whisper the last part.

a few minutes past as i just kept silent, staring at the clear but slightly cloudy sky. looking down at my watch  i sigh and look back at the stone in front of me.

"its almost my shift mom... so i need to go," i say not wanting to go, not wanting to deal with people just today. but slowly i get up from the ground and dust off my pants. before leaving i take one more look at the gravestone with my mothers name engraved on it.

"i love you" i whisper before turning around and walking off.

i shove my hands in my jeans pockets as i stare up at the clear sky. one single tear falls down my cheek.

"i promised," i say to no one in particular "i promised i wouldn't cry on you grave... to not weep about your passing" i whisper as i ran one hand threw my hair.

"hows it in heaven mom? is it nice?...."