Impractical Assistant

Chapter 4: The Men in Stupid Disguises

Q insisted that they pay for Lilly's drink when the waitress came over to them with the bills. Lilly protested, clutching the bill on the table until Joe snatched it from her hands and put it under his with his credit card nestled right on top of it. He purposefully ignored her attempts to get it back, a playful smile on his face. She finally gave up trying and a warm happiness draped itself over him. It startled him a bit; he hadn't felt that feeling since...well, since Bessy. Since he had discovered her cheating and that his daughter...no, not his daughter...Joe felt fuzzy again. The haze drifting back into his mind. Then Lilly looked up at him, concerned and he shook it off. He couldn't be thinking about his current nightmare at a time like this.

The five sat at the table until an voice came over the loud speaker, announcing their flight. Lilly got up to gather her things and looked at them all expectantly.

"Well? Are you coming?" she gestured towards the gate.

"You go ahead," Sal nodded at her.

"Yeah, we'll catch up with you," Joe said, draining the last of his beer. Lilly blinked, confused, before slowly backing out.

"Okay. Well, I'll see you later then." Joe watched her leave, and caught her glancing back in their direction as she disappeared from sight.

"What are we going to tell her?" Murray asked, biting his nails nervously.

"We're not gonna tell her nothin," Joe said, scribbling his signature onto his bill. "She doesn't need to know."

"If she comes to the show, she's gonna find out," Murray pushed.

"There's no sure thing we can even get her into the show," Sal shrugged. "It's been sold out for months."

"If we're going through O'Hare, she's gonna figure it out," Q shook his head. "It's not like the four of us wandering through one of the world's biggest airports is going to go unnoticed."

"So we split up," Sal shrugged.

"And what will she say then?" Joe crossed his arms. "How are we gonna explain that to her?"

"We'll figure it out."

"We'll figure it out," Joe scoffed. "That's your plan?"

"Why do you care so much if she finds out?" Sal stood, dusting burger crumbs off of his pants. He pulled out an old baseball hat and sunglasses that was his primary disguise when they went out.

"I actually like the fact that, for once, someone doesn't know who we are," Joe said, following his friend's suit. His scarf was slung lonely around his neck, so he could tuck most of his face into it. He slung his bag over his shoulder before turning back to Sal. "It's refreshing that someone wants to hang out with us just cause we're us and not cause we're on TV"

"She probably 'hangs out' with TV stars all the time," Murray said, air quoting Joe's words as he followed them out of the restaurant. "She is a TV producer's assistant," he said as he flicked up his coat collar and took Q's hat from him.

"You never know," Q said, adjusting the glasses on his nose and sliding a baseball hat backwards over his mop of hair. "Our assistant doesn't meet anyone famous."

"I'd hardly call her our assistant at this point, Q," Sal waved his hand. "She's basically just baggage now."

"Be nice," Q chastised.

"What? She is!" Sal argued as they rounded the corner to their gate. They made their way to the back of the line as Lilly handed the gate manager her ticket. She glanced up as the man scanned her ticket and locked eyes with Sal. She waved slightly with a sad smile before taking her ticket back and making her way down the ramp.

"All I'm saying is that she's cool," Joe adjusted his scarf. "I'd rather her not change just because she figures out that our show is kinda big."

"Fine," Sal held up his hands. "But you know that eventually, she will probably find out."

"Yeah, well let's not throw ourselves off of that cliff yet, alright?" Joe sighed, shaking the fuzz out of his head. He glanced down at his ticket. 22B he shook his head. Well that sucks. He peered over Sal's shoulder to see that he was sitting in 23A. "Sally, buddy," Joe tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Switch with me."

"What?" Sal scrunched his nose up. "Why?"

"I have an isle seat. You know I can't sit in the isle."

"You're ridiculous," Sal shook his head, but handed off his ticket. Joe nodded in thanks, with something in the back of his head clicking that Sal has been doing this for months. Willingly giving Joe whatever he wanted in order to please him. He nodded slightly, irritated now that he was realizing that his friend was pitying him, that all three of them were pitying him. Stupid divorce, Joe thought bitterly. Stupid cheating, stupid Bessy, stupid everything.

The four maneuvered through the line with relatively no issue and were soon making their way onto the plane. Q and Murray were seated together at the front of the plane, separated by several rows. Joe was tailing Sal when he smacked straight into Sal.

"Dude, what the hell?"

"You're kidding me," Sal chuckled. Joe peered around Sal to see that there were two empty seats: one nestled against the window and an isle seat next to Lilly. Joe's heart stopped; he loved Sal like a brother, but he knew that Sal was the biggest flirt of the bunch and could pick up girls easier than Joe could eat a box of donuts. Lilly glanced up at the pair and shot them a beaming smile. Her eyes flickered back from Sal to Joe, arching her eyebrow as if to ask if he would be sitting by her. Sal practically skipped to the isle and slid into the seat.

"Hey beautiful," Sal wagged his eyebrows. "Come here often." Lilly laughed, eyes sparkling. Joe slumped and practically stomped to his seat, avoiding the stare from Lilly. He kicked his bag under his seat and shoved his headphones into his ears, praying that the flight would be quick.