No More Dreams (BTS ff)

Chapter 17

Trigger warning: Mentions of attempted suicide. Don't read if you are sensitive to this type of material.

I made my way upstairs, trying to be quiet in case anyone was up the stairs. It seemed too quiet for anyone to be up there but I wasn't about to just barge up there when I wasn't armed.

"Mara get back down here." JHope whispered from the bottom of the stairs. I turned around and saw his face full of worry. I stepped down a few steps but didn't go all the way down. Once I stopped he sighed and walked to the step I was on.

"Where are you going? You heard Jake they're probably here by now just waiting for us to come up."

"How would Jake know that they are here or not, for all we know all that was a lie to scare us. I'm going to go up there first and if they're there then I'm sure you'll hear it." I turned around and began to walk back up the stairs until a firm grip around my wrist stopped me.

"You're not even armed. What if they're up there, guns out and ready." He stepped closer, "I can't lose you."

I looked up into his face to see his eyes filling up with unshed tears. I sighed and put my arms around his waist pulling him into a tight hug.

"I'm doing this for you guys," I whispered into his chest as I felt his arms snake around my back. "I've caused you guys enough trouble, Let me go up there quietly and let them take me."

"Mara-" JHope was cut off by the sound of a phone ringing in the room at the bottom of the stairs. The ringing ended and the deep voice of Monster could be heard. Panic and sadness was slightly evident in his voice. Everything went quiet for a second before the whole room was filled with his booming voice.

"Where the fuck is Mara?!" His voice had panic laced in it, I quickly let go of JHope and walked down the stairs, dragging him along with me.

"That call was from Jin," Monster said addressing not only me but everyone in the room. "He said he just got back from Tryptich and saw people walking around the house outside. Got7 is here but they aren't in the house yet. We need to get ready."

I nodded and followed everyone up the stairs. We walked through the quiet dark house trying to make our way to the supplies closet. I grabbed a pistol shoving it into my waistband just in case. I also grabbed my weapon of choice, a wooden baseball bat. I took a deep breath as I thought about everything that could happen. People could die tonight. But if I just gave myself up maybe everyone would be safe. But I don't think Bangtan would allow me to leave, even if they did they would hopefully come looking for me. I honestly didn't want to leave them, but I didn't want any of them to get hurt because of me either.

I walked up the stairs to my room and changed into some black clothes so I could walk through the dark house without feeling like I was standing out too much. The house was much too quiet for my liking and I didn't liked being left alone with my thoughts. The gun in the waistband was burning my side as my mind kept racing back to the thought of it. I could end it all right here. If I was gone they wouldn't have to fight over anything. 

The only blood shed would be my own. And I would be ok with that.

My hand went to the gun and shakily brought it out of my waistband. It wasn't my first time thinking about killing myself, but it was my first time actually trying to go through with it. The gun slowly made its way to the side of my head. I let out a breath as the coldness seeped its way through my hair and into my skull. My finger on the trigger. I took a breath.

I was stopped as the light turned on and my eyes met with the shocked chocolate brown eyes of JHope. He gasped and ran over to me knocking the gun out of my hands and pulling me into his tight embrace. That was when I broke. I sobbed into his chest, breathes racking through me making my frame shake violently. JHope quietly shushed me and rubbed my back to soothe me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear.