I sat on the window seal crying and looking at the snowflakes. Today was Christmas Eve, the day my one and only love left me. His name is Kyungsoo. He left me 3 years ago. I know I should be over him, but he left without saying goodbye. He left me when I least expected it.
I was still looking out my window; still crying, until I saw this certain snowflake. It looked like an arrow pointing to a diamond. It kind of looked like a fish and the letter "D." If only it was the one way to bring Kyungsoo back I'd be in love with this snowflake. It was still interesting though. It's shape was so original. It wasn't as detailed as the other snowflakes. I then grabbed it, but It wasn't melting in my hand. Why? I guess I should keep it. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a black plate. I put it on the plate and into the freezer. I hope I'll be able to keep this snowflake forever.
I went back to my spot on the window seal and looked at the people enjoying their Christmas with love ones. I have no one. I lost my mom in a car accident, my dad hates me and beats me, and the one who truly loved me is gone. Looking at these couples and families having a great time together is just hurting me in the inside. It's just not fair. It's like I'm in a Korean drama. I HATE dramas. It's just too dramatic for me. Now that I'm "in" one, I feel over dramatic. Too over dramatic.
Instead of me feeling over dramatic I got off my seat from the window and went to my attic. This is where D.O and I would look at old things we still owned till' this day. We'd do that every end of the year. Now that he's gone I just look at his things. Pictures we'd take together, gifts he made me, letters that were written to me on Valentines day, even Birthday gifts he'd give me with a little note on the side telling how old I was that year. I looked at the first gift he ever gave me. It was when I was turning five. He got me what I always wanted when I was a child, pencils and pens. I was all over them. I looked at another present I got for my 10th birthday. It was a white fured bear with a polar bear nose but had seal eyes. On it's left foot it had a tiny red heart. There was a note on it's back. It read:
"Dear Eun Mi,
Happy Birthday! I hope you get what you want for your birthday! This year you didn't ask for anything so I hope you liked what I got you. I know you're really hurt inside so please don't always be happy even though it's your birthday. It may be 'Happy Birthday', but you can't be truly happy if your hurt. This is why I bought you this. It's a bear that you need to love and care for. It's a bear you NEED to keep clean. Remember to hug it and tell it your feelings, this bear will make you feel better, I promise it will make you feel better. I have the same one! MATCHING! KEKEKE!
Sarang,
D.O/Kyungsoo <3
This was one of the best gifts he gave me. I always told this bear my feelings. Every time my dad would yell at me, or if he'd hit me, even after my Omma died this bear has been there for me and still is. The day Kyungsoo left I ran up to this little bear and cried hoping it'd fix my broken heart. I guess this bear only works when Kyungsoo's here with me. I wish it'd fix every problem with out D.O.
I got another gift. This gift was actually one of my recent birthday gifts. 3 years ago the day before Kyungsoo left it was my 16th birthday. Yes, we lived together when we were sixteen years old. That's how much I hated my dad. Anyways, I open the present and saw a picture of us two hugging. It was drawn by Kyungsoo and help from Kris. I don't understand why he asked Kris to help him with drawing since he sucks, I mean... He's too "good" to draw me this picture. Back to my point, he drew me this (with little help from Kris somehow...) and left nothing behind it. There is a little poem though. I never understood it but I guess I could now since I'm educated more. Let's see... It read "For we will meet even if there's a problem, at the clock when it strikes eight; I'll be there with the your gift of meeting each other again. There will be us there, 3 years from now; On Christmas Eve hugging or crying. But whatever the outcome, we will not be breakable. We will meet each other even if it takes forever." I still don't really get it. What does it mean by "3 years from now?" "The clock will strike 8; I'll be there with your gift of meeting each other again?" What does this mean?! Wait! Does it mean he'll meet me... TODAY?! WHAT?!?!?!
I quickly checked the time. The clock says it's five after eight. I'm five minutes late! Then again, this could just be a random poem D.O wrote for me. I'll go anyways, I go there every Christmas Eve. I went to get my jacket and scarf. Even though I was wearing my pajamas I still managed to not get cold while walking to the clock. "Do I even know where this clock is?" I say to myself out loud. I'm already far from my house! I can't go back now! I don't even remember the way! I never really went out far from my house since I never remembered, only D.O did. What am I supposed to do now? I sighed in frustration. I only went there with D.O on Christmas Eve. I can never remember D.O's gone, can I? "I'll keep going straight then." So I did. I went straight ahead. I suddenly saw a building. "That looks like the one near the clock!" I walked faster. I could clock perfectly now, but there's one thing missing. D.O isn't there. I guess it was just a random poem he made up.
I guess I'll sit down since I ran here for nothing. I sat down on a bench covered with dog paw prints. Why are there dog prints here? I won't judge! I was looking at the clock thinking of the poem. When the clock strucks eight; I'll be there with your gift of meeting each other again. There will be us, 3 years from now; On Christmas Eve Hugging or crying. But whatever the outcome, we will not be breakable. We will meet each other even if it takes forever. Those were the words replaying in my head. Why would he write about that if it makes no sense about something true? Why would he put 3 years? I looked at the other side of the clock. There was a person sitting on the snowy ground. He looked a little down. He was also carrying a box and flowers. I felt bad for him. He's probably going through something like my problem. I walked to where he was sitting. "Hello there, what's your name?" I said bending down to his height from sitting. He turned his head and hugged me. I didn't have enough time to examine his face. "You're back! You're actually back!" The boy said hugging me tighter and tighter, swaying from side to side. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." I said quietly not wanting to break his heart. His hug suddenly got lighter and lighter. "What do you mean?" He said with tears in his eyes. I totally forgot about examining his face at this point. All I could think about was how I'd not hurt his feelings. "Do you not remember me? Eun Mi..." How does he know my name? "Maybe if you told me a little about yourself I'll remember you!" I said trying to make him feel better.
He started speaking like no tomorrow.
"MynameisDoKyungsooorKyunsooorD.O!I'm20yearsoldatthemommentandyouusedtobemygirlfriendandweusedtolivetogetherandgohereeveryChristmasEveafterwelookedatthestarsfromthewindowsealandafterwe'dlookatoldstuffweusedtoownandgiveachother! Now do you remember me?" I couldn't understand ANYTHING he said. I didn't want to make him feel bad and repeat what he just said so I just asked him this simple question, "What's your name again?" He quickly replied but slowly said it. "My name is Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo." Was this true? Was he the actual Kyungsoo that wrote me that poem? Was he the Kyungsoo that left me? I hugged him. "Now you remember me, huh?" He said and chuckled. I was so happy I found him again. He's my only wish. I guess Santa is real, he brought my one and only love back; Kyungsoo.
