Lying on Vic’s bed with my back to this chest and his arms around me in a protective state was everything I wanted. There were still so many questions I had for Vic though. There was so much I wanted to know. But honestly, I was a bit nervous to ask. His words kept playing on repeat through my mind “I went home and took a handful of sleeping pills. I didn’t want to wake up you know”. He tried to commit suicide and I just want him to never ever do that again. He said it was because of this Craig guy and I swear on everything that is great in this world, that if I ever lay my eyes on Craig I might flip.
“What are you thinking about?” Vic asked breaking the silence while tracing small shapes on my tummy, which of course sent shockwaves through my entire body.
“Nothing.” I said more quickly than I probably should have. Next thing I know my nice warm spot on Vic’s chest was being replaced by him shifting us so we were face to face. His eyes were pleating for mine to meet his, but I couldn’t. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk or anything, but I was nervous of the answers I would receive.
“Tell me Kellin, please. Whatever’s on your mind.” Vic said and giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. Taking in a deep breath, I decided now better than ever. Finally meeting his eyes, they looked sad and tired. I’ve never noticed this about him before now. His eyes were always so beautiful, but behind that, sadness resided.
“It’s just, well I um don’t exactly know how to ask about your um…” I trailed off dropping my eyes again.
“You want to know about my suicide attempt.” Vic said barely audible.
I snapped my eyes back to him and he was sitting there with an emotionless face, the same one I saw the night he kissed me. Had I already upset him?! Shit, nice job Kellin.
“No, no. It’s none of my business; I just uh want you to be happy. Shit, I’m sorry Vic I didn’t mean to upset you I just….” But his lips were on mine before I could stutter another syllable. Just like the first time it was a perfect shock. His lips were soft and felt like they belonged on mine. Moving in sync our lips moved. Though, when he pulled away I half expected him to yell at me again. I clinched my eyes shut just waiting for him to scream at me.
“Kellin? Why are your eyes closed?” Vic chuckled. “I’m not gonna yell again.” He said in a softer tone rubbing his thumbs over my hands.
Slowly I allowed my eyes to open only to see him with his eyes down and his head low. “I’m sorry.” He said softly not meeting my gaze. My heart broke right there. Simply stopped beating. He looked so fragile and broken and I just wanted to make him feel better.
“Hey, Vic. Look at me” I said as Vic slowly raised his head to meet my eyes. “I’m not mad and you’ve said sorry probably a billion times. I forgive you. 100% and I just want you to promise me one thing.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Promise me; promise me you won’t ever hurt yourself again?” Honestly I felt like a fucking hypocrite. But Vic doesn’t need to know anything about what’s going on with me right now. This is about making him feel better.
He hesitated for a moment and smiled at me. “I promise Kells.” Vic spoke softly and I placed a kiss right on his cheek.
The next morning I was excited to see Vic. My Vic. Or well at least nobody else’s Vic; I’m not sure what to call us though. I mean I told him I’ve give him another chance, but we haven’t “formally” said anything. Honestly I’m not sure I want people know I’m gay. And I’m pretty sure Vic feels the same way because of what he had told me about Matty and Craig, who by the way I still fucking hate and hope I can kick both their asses one day. But for now seeing Vic was the only thing on my mind.
