Mistaken

Chapter 1: Remember

It's funny, now that I think about it how careless we all are. We don't think about all the possibilities and all the time we have left. We don't think about "what ifs?" and maybe that is what makes us human, but if I would've known this would be my last day here then maybe I would have been better, maybe I would have said more things to my family, maybe I would never have gotten in the car. But, as fate or whatever you want to claim it is had it, I got into that car, black and sleek, it was a new Camry that my mother loved dearly. I wasn't completely in love with it as I had always preferred my Toyota limited truck but it was supposed to be safer.  It was later the day after my brother got home that we all decided it was time to go to the local movie theater, the name I cant remember, and it all happened so fast. I don't remember what all happened but I remember going inside and getting the tickets. I remember sitting down but I don't remember the movie. Isn't the weird? I can recall the small details but the big picture and movie, is completely lost to me. It's weird like that, not remembering big things like that. However, I remember the ride home all too well. "Shotgun!!" I yelled running out of the theater trying to race my brother to the car, as we came close I pushed him as hard as I could so that I could get the upper hand, in which case I did. "That's not fair! You pushed me!" Donny looked at me with serious eyes and it took all of me not to laugh. "And I still won." I smirked at him and pulled open the door and while stepping inside I heard my mom call to me with an edge of annoyance hanging onto her tongue in the end of her sentence that caused me to cringe. "Shari Lee Tuttle, I know you are not fighting your brother like a little child," her eyes narrowed and she gave me her famous "don't try to argue" look and I instantly lowered my head knowing I could save myself from being criticized if I just keep my mouth shut. I could hear a deep voiced laugh come from the backseat and I glared in the direction of the voice. "What's so funny?" I glowered and a whole new wave of snickers came from him. "Oh, nothing, just that you have moved out and mom still talks to you like a child." He patted the top of my head and raised his voice in higher pitch to annoy me,"Shari is just a cute lil baby!" I was growing more frustrated by the second and just ignored him as my mom pulled out of the filled parking lot. "The movies pretty full considering its a Tuesday at ten at night," my mom tried to start a conversation once we were on the highway but all that she had gotten in return was a noise of agreement from the one who sat behind me and a simple nod from me. I had closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window for a couple minutes before my mom turned on the radio in the car and rubbed my arm singing along to a song I guessed she liked so much. I let a smile and giggle slip from my lips and sat up straighter letting her use my arm as a dancing partner and soon the song was over. Then a new song came on and the entire car must've shaken from the movement my mother and I made. Turning to my brother I gave him a gentle smile, "Do you know this song?" I asked while my mom belted out the first line. He simply shook his head no and I turned around after giving a very exasperated sigh and started to sing and dance with my mom laughing the entire time knowing Donny thought us as crazy. He might as well have been right. This went on song after song until I couldn't sing anymore due to laughing so hard watching my mom trying to keep up with lyrics that she had no clue were there. I hummed gently through some more of the songs and saw a couple of bright white and yellow lights from the other cars on the other side of the road but one of the pair of lights seemed odd. They were coming at us like all the others but  I thought these ones were closer than the rest. I sat up more straight and looked carefully. I noticed that they were in fact closer than all the others. A sudden pit hit my stomach with such velocity I couldn't breathe. I saw the car coming and didn't have enough time to scream or warn my mom. I turned my head towards her to say something but I still wasn't fast enough. It was like everything was slowed down. I saw my mom's eyes wide with panic. Her hands rotating the wheel slightly, but not fast enough. I felt the impact of the dead on truck in waves. First, I felt shock then I felt the airbag hit me but felt something else snap. I knew it was my arm that I had, out of reflex, brought to my chest as if it could stop the huge semi. I felt the car seem to be completely gone. I saw the glass fly in tiny sharp shards and then, all I saw was black. They when you die your brain has seven minutes of activity left and I guess that since time is stretched it is possible to go through your entire life without interruption. I guess that's what happened to me. I remember all details from being a baby. I remember my first steps and looking up at my mom to see her jumping with excitement and Donny giving her a look that said "This is over rated. Give me my food."  I remember turning ten and breaking my arm from jumping out of a tree I had climbed to attack my friends with water balloons without them seeing me. I had leaned over too far and fell landing right on my arm. I can feel the same explosion of pain that started at my elbow and ended half way to my wrist but I remember my entire being felt like it was on fire. I remember my brother leaving for Germany. I remember everything. And like a suction back to reality I feel everything. I feel not only myself but I feel everyone. I feel fear, pain, and everything else. It's like I have gone through everything anyone has ever felt. It was my energy or other people's energy. I'm still not quite sure which. I was looking around and saw my mother passed out with deep gashes and blood spilling out everywhere, it was like an endless flow. You saw where it started but not where it finished. My brother and kicked his way out of the car and was working on getting my mother out of her seat but was having no luck. I tried to pull my arms up to help but they wouldn't move. I could hear the police and fire truck sirens wailing and coming this way. I could hear Donny's cries and grunts as he pulled at my mother's seat belt. I saw him look at me but something was off. It was like he was looking through me. My eyes followed his and I saw what was a mix between car and girl. It was almost impossible to tell if the machine was the girl or if the girl was the bits of what was left of the car. The blood didn't help at all and it was all a big mess and it didn't look good. It hadn't hit me yet that what I was looking at was my own body. My eyes traveled up the poor young woman and saw my neck and necklace. I stared at my neck and where my head should've been... except it wasn't. I only had a bloody stump left and I felt the scream escape my throat but never heard the noise. I sat there for sometime trying to breathe, trying to get through the realization that I had died and was indeed staring at my own body. I must have sat there long enough for the emergency people had shown up and took my mother from the car and started taking care of her and Donny. I got out of the car, well more like glided through the car and over to my brother who was crying harder than I had ever seen. My mom hadn't come to and I was too scared to go over to her and hear what the EMTs were saying in their hushed tones and instead I was drawn towards my body which they had drug out of the car and put in a black bag on a gurney. I walked over and saw that they had found my head. Of course I couldn't bear to look at my body but I had managed to shrink into a small ball and cry. I sat there sobbing and sobbing trying to get the pieces all together. I didn't trust anything anymore and  I just wanted to lay down and die. But, of course, I was already dead. "Donny," I whispered as I regained my posture and noticed he had tried to follow the black bag that contained my body. "Don't let him see! Don't let him near me!" I begged one of the EMTs hoping they could hear me; as if he could hear me, the tall burly man had stepped in the way of Donny's path and stopped him. "I'm sorry sir, but you aren't allowed to see the body." The man said with a deep and serious voice that had suggested he was prepared for any argument he was about to be posed with as he has done this many times before. "I just want to see my sister!" Donny begged and tried to side step him. I knew it wouldn't work and tried to hug him, knowing that he would never see me again or hear me made me sad because we had just been reunited and I didn't think if I were him I could handle losing him. I could feel him, and hug him and even smell his scent but he didn't even notice, and if he noticed something different he didn't let it off. He wound up realizing he wasn't allowed to see me and angrily stalked off to our mother who had began to wake up and looked around desperately. She hugged my brother tightly and I knew she must've wondered where I was because she was looking around and saying my name or at least mouthing it as I couldn't hear her say anything. I saw Donny and the others pull her around and just saw her completely collapse and cry. She let out tortured screams and was shaking so bad even I stepped forward to try to catch her if she were to fall, even if I knew I wouldn't be able to do that. I felt a few tears escape my eyes and felt the taste of saltwater and something else, when the tears fell down.  I wiped my tears when I was doing screaming and crying trying to keep my composure and utter meltdown to a minimum. I looked around my surroundings and noticed shadows creeping in, tall and dark like it was consuming the world around me. It was so distracting that I felt myself getting scared. This is the end.  I thought somberly. I was too caught up in my fear to notice someone standing behind me. "Hello, Shari," I heard a deep voice say to me but it was strange, almost as if it were in my head. I turned around trying not to focus on the dark shadows and I saw him. And, if I were smart I would've ran then but I didn't.