It's not college without you - Tsukiyama

Chapter five - Weak

The sun dazzled through the blinds and stung Tsukishima in the eyes. It was morning again. The only thing motivating him to actually get out of bed this morning was the sweet smell of breakfast. It smelled like when mom made pancakes for him when he was little. He could hear the satisfying frizz from the butter in the frying pan through the wall and he felt his mouth watering.

Blindly, Tsukishima rose to a sitting position and sniffed the lovely scent. He felt the almost heavy air filled with the aroma in his nostrils and without noticing it he was walking out in the kitchen.

"Oh Tsukki! You're up, I was just about to wake you" Yamaguchi twittered and flipped a pancake in the frying pan.

"You made breakfast?" Tsukishima rubbed his eye and yawned widely, the new awoke young-adult sat down at the breakfast table.

"Mhm" Yamaguchi danced over to him and slid two pancakes and some bacon on to a plate in front of the blonde, Tsukishima barely opened his eyes. "Do you want an egg?"

"Hmm what..?" He finally opened his eyes and saw his roommate holding a frying pan in front of his nose.

"Wake up Tsukki! I asked if you want eggs?"

"Oh, yeah" Tsukishima suddenly realized where he was. Yamaguchi didn't seem to mind his careless behavior, he slid down on a chair across the table from him.

"So, you know what day it is right?" Yamaguchis big brown eyes sparkled with excitement as he bit a large chunk of an egg.

"Um.. no?" Tsukishima cut his pancake gently into chewable pieces.

"Guess!"

"Well, it's not my birthday?"

"No"

"And it's not your birthday, is it?"

"Nope"

"Then what day is it?"

"It's Pollys birthday!" Egg still in his mouth, filling out his cheeks. Yamaguchi gave the blond a look that said 'this is a thing you should remember'

"Who the hell is Polly?" Tsukishima didn't recall ever hearing a name like that.

"My bird" Yamaguchi turned around in his chair and pointed behind him. A small red cage stood in the corner with a blanket over it. Tsukishima hadn't even noticed it until now, embarrassing.

"Why should I care" He spat coldly and continued eating.

"Ugh, Tsukki are you always so grumpy?" Yamaguchi rose from his seat and went over to the cage.

"Yeah?" he mumbled and grabbed his own light blonde hair and groaned.

His irritated moaning didn't continue for long, he went silent when a high chirping sound interrupted him. There really was a bird in there. Yamaguchi opened the cage and petted it carefully, the bird jumped up on his finger and stroked himself to his hand, Yamaguchi chuckled slightly.

"Good morning Polly"

Going back to the breakfast table, the brunette had a little yellow bird on his finger. He motioned for Tsukiyama to say hi as he approached. Tsukishima did not want to say hi. He didn't want to say anything at all. The sound of Yamaguchi chuckling like that had made him completely quiet.

Suddenly, Yamaguchi was right in front of him and had the bird right under his nose. It was mostly yellow and a bit blue and green on the sides. She chirped and tilted her head at him, kind of saying 'how do you do?'

"Come on, say hi!" Yamaguchi suggested and wiggled her a bit with his hand.

"Hi Polly" Tsukishima gave in and waved ironically.

But then Yamaguchi got a worried look on his face, he put Polly back in her cage and sat down across the table from Tsukishima again.

"Is something the matter?" He said, you could hear his voice shaking a little. He read Tskishimas body language like an open book.

"No, I'm fine"

"Tsukki, I can tell you're not. You seem a bit distracted, are you getting sick?" Yamaguchi reached for his forehead but Tsukishima ducked, he tried to get eye contact but the blonde refused.

"I told you I'm fine, I wouldn't get a cold!" He got annoyed at his roommate and decided to leave the room, he didn't even finish his pancakes.

Slamming the door closed behind him, he let himself sink to the floor. The bedroom was dirty, clothes everywhere. He wanted to tell him but something kept him from doing so. He couldn't stand being in the same room as Yamaguchi, it was too painful.

With his cute smile, glowing eyes, adorable freckles and irresistible brown locks of hair that surrounded his beautiful face. All of his features were pushing out all the other thoughts in Tsukishimas head, he couldn't pull himself together.

He was weak.

He felt weak.

His head pounded and he put a hand on his forehead, maybe he was catching a cold after all. Shit.

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi knocked on the door "What happened?"

"Nothing!" He needed space, time to think. "You'll be late for class, just go without me"

Yamaguchi just wouldn't leave him. Tsukishima sat on the other side of the door, on the edge of crying. There were so many emotions in his head, but one in particular.

Anxiety.

When a person means so much to you, when you're weirdly attracted to a person and you don't know why? When a person you barely know makes you feel like you're soulmates. Silly word, Soulmate. There's no such thing.

Love takes time, love is not something that happens over night. Love is not like when the princess sees the prince and they fall in love just like that and live happily every after.

But most of all, love is something Tsukishima Kei promised himself not to ever feel. Seeing his parents break apart like that, he promised himself he was never, ever, going to let that happen. Besides, he's not able to. Being so cold and arrogant, nobody could ever fall in love with him in the first place. He's one in the mass, one of many many people, a nobody. A tall jerk that nobody bothers talking to.

You're worthless, you're nothing, you can't feel this way because you don't care about people. You don't care about him. And even if you were, there's no way he, or anyone would care for you, you're worthless.

Look at you, weeping like a little baby. Over a boy.

Pathetic.

Tsukishima refused to believe it. He would never. Yet this warm feeling he felt whenever he was with Yamaguchi, it felt like something else.

It felt like all the anxiety and worry just for a moment, all went away. Like the feeling of watching the sun rise from pulling an all-nighter and feeling the bags under your eyes and your exhausted body, but also just feeling a little bit of hope. It felt like coming home from a long voyage and finally going to sleep in your own bed.

Home. Yamaguchi felt like home.

He should stay strong, he should stay monotone like he always does. He should just push away this feeling like he did with every other feeling. Just put it away in a shoe box and back up on a high shelf.

But he's weak, and what's wrong with that?

Weak - AJR

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txCCYBMKdB0