One Shot ng Lalaking Tinamaan

OSnLT (Ang Blog: Hello, Pinn)

Hello,

                Hey, it’s been two weeks. What’s up?

                Damn. This is hard. And this feeling that’s building inside me is freaking me out.

                Two gaddamn weeks! And those weeks, you’re invading my mind! What it is with you, huh? I really didn’t know what to do. You’re always here *points at my temple*.

                At work, yeah, I’ve been hired. Remember when you waved good-bye? 'Hope you remember. 'Hope you still remember me. The call I’ve been expecting for weeks came. And here I am now, working as an editor in a publishing company. Have I told you that I am a college graduate? I guess not. 'Cause you didn’t bother asking.

                Looking back, I realized that all the while that we’re talking, I always initiated the conversation. Maybe, because you’re just shy or simply, irritated. But I see no sign of irritation at you so I’ll stick to the first reason.

                If I am going to tell you my latest achievement, would you be thrilled? Would you be happy for me? Would you even bother asking if I’m happy at what I am doing?

                'Guess not.

                Why the hell would you bother? We only met once. And I am this “feeling close” blogger.

                But still…

                Do you have any explanations to what is happening to me? Because for the very first time, I experienced these: Thinking of someone, longing to meet someone again, smiling like at idiot with just thinking of you,  and even talking to myself.

                I’ve been stalking your blog for a while. And every time, I just found myself typing a message at your “Ask Box” but realizing eventually what I am doing so, all the messages that I’ve written were not sent.

                I don’t know but all the courage I have vanished in a snap with you.

                How are you, by the way? 'Hope you’re doing well.

                Cheesy and creepy may it sound, but I think, I am missing you.

                There, I said it. All the while, I’ve been denying this. But hell! Missing you was the only explanation left! God.

                Pinn, are you still there?

                If there’s a chance that we’ll bump into each other, would you acknowledge me? Would you bid a simple “Hi” or “Hello” and then “Good-bye”? Would you be thrilled? Would you… Would you? Would you still remember me?

                Damn it. Is it really normal to miss a person you only met once? Is it? Or was it not? This is really hard. I really don’t know what to do anymore.

                Pinn…

                Pinn…

                Pinn…

                Pinagmasdan ko ang huling tatlong salitang nai-type ko. “Pinn…”

                Naka-logged in ako sa account ko sa Tumblr. Alas-dos na ng madaling araw. Dapat kanina pa ako natutulog dahil may pasok ako bukas pero… Tulad nga ng sinabi ko. Hindi ako makatulog. Dahil sa tuwing pipikit ako ay si Pinn ang nakikita ko.

                I missed her.

                Ganito rin ang sitwasyon no’ng hero doon sa novel na nabasa ko kailan lang. Ganito ang sitwasyon no’ng lalaki sa ipinasang manuscript ng nobelistang sa akin nakatoka.

                Nag-iisip pa ako ng posibleng isunod na salita pero wala na akong maisip. Sapat na ito. Para kahit papaano naman ay maibsan ang kalokohan ko. Ang kabaliwan ko.

                Kaya naman, I held the mouse and pointed the cursor at Post na may katabing arrow pababa. Iyong arrow ang cl-in-ick ko. Lumabas ang mga option. I clicked Private.

                Oo na, ako na ang duwag. Peste naman kasi talaga! Dinadaga ako! Partida, sa on line world pa lang ito, ah. Paano kung makita ko ulit siya sa personal? Puta. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

                I slumped back on my computer chair. Posted na ang blog. Hindi nila mababasa iyon dahil private. Hindi sa takot akong mabasa nila iyon. Hindi rin ako takot na asarin nila ako. Ang ikinatatakot ko ay kapag nabasa iyon ni Pinn at hindi siya matuwa sa mga pinaglalagay ko. Baka bigla niya akong i-unfollow. And worst, i-block. Hindi lang sa Tumblr kundi pati sa mga social networking sites na kinabibilangan namin.

                I don’t want that to happen.

                I re-read my private blog for Pinn. I smiled bitterly.

                “Ang duwag mo, Sik.”