Wynter's Point Of View :
So todays the day before Tyrese's funeral and my hearts burning , burning so much. Upon levels I could ever think. Im sat in my room listening to Mariah Carey & Boy 2 Men - One sweet time. This just made me think 'what am I doing with my life?'. Im so confused , so many questions left unanswered. He didn't deserve this. No not Tyrese.
How can someone with such ambition in life , someone smart and beautiful lose there life like that. My hearts breaking so much , I'm out of breath. I feel like I can't take this , I just can't. I can't smile..laugh..I don't want to hear any laughter. I just wish I could pause the moment before his death and hug him an ask him what is going through his mind.
I started hiberventalating for a minute , but I'm back. I really can't stop shaking. Airing my blackberry messages , I feel like a ghost. I can see his smile , everytime I reach forward to touch it , it disappears. He fades away then he comes back... but I want him to stay. My heads just hurting while I say this. This was so unexpected. I love Tyrese so much , but I hate him because he left me like this.
I'm sorry I never got to tell you all the things I wanted to say and now its too late too hold you , because you've flown away , so far away. Never could I imagine , living without your smile. Feelin' and knowin' you hear me , it keeps me alive , alive. And I know your shining down on me from heaven , like so many friends we've lost along the way. And I know eventually we'll be together... One sweet day. Picture a little scene from heaven.
I took your presence from granted , but I always cared. But I miss the love we shared.
If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane. I'd walk into heaven and bring you home.
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Funeral Day.
I walked out my house holding my mothers hands tigtly as she wore all black and a black veil that covered her face that produced tears. I looked over at my brother who was trying to keep calm and talked to guy who was leading the hearse.
He took my hand while my mum and Tyrese's mum held hands and then led me to the car. Just behind the one holding Tyrese's body. I still can't believe it.
Words didn't escape from anybodys mouth. It weren't an awkward silence , it was a respectful silence.
Our car , the car infront and the car behind started to move slowly. The funeral director walked infront of the car holding Tyrese. The streets seemed empty. People stood on the side of the road showing there respects , some had teary eyes.
We got to the church eventually then got told we couldn't leave the car , everyone had to go in before us. The car was still silent , my mum would always look at me and share a little smile. Tyrese's mum just stayed silent. Jermaine had his shades on to cover his eyes.
Throug the window I could see all of Tyrese's friends with shades on to cover their tears as they walked into church silently. After everyone was gone the door was opened for us. I linked on to Jermaine's arm , he rubbed my hand to asure everything will be okay. My family and I walked through the middle of the aisle heading to the front. Everyones eyes stawked us with sympathy and sadness. All of Jermaine's friends nodded there headed at him. I heard Jermaine sniff , looked up to him to see if he was okay and gave him a hug.
We took a seat , the priest said a few words. I got up to say my words.
'My brother , my friend , my best friend , my cousin.. Tyrese was so many things to me its so hard to explain. My mum was telling me that when I was younger I use to call him Tyrie because.I couldn't say his name properly. ( there was a few smiles). I shared so many memories with Tyrese , some I can't even remember. Its so hard to understand that someone with a future , someone with goals in life , someone who meant something to you , can get taken away like that. But I had the honours of being close Tyrese. He told me one day , a few years ago that.. when he dies 'he doesnt want any tears , he wants everyone to just talk about the memories he had , all his boys too look sho(they smiled) , make sure to tell his mum everyday that he loves her , and to pour a bottle of Courvosier on his grave and to make sure everyone takes a shot of Jameson Whisky then drinks Orange Juice after' (everyone laughed at the last part).. Yeah Tyrese.. that's what his coocoo mind would say. I'm going to miss hearing the silly things he would say an seeing his smile everywhere , and mainly waking up in the morning to see him eating my food. Love you bro'
Then I walked back to my family. Jermaine and his friends then said a few touching words , and more tears were shedded.
'Mariah Carey & Boys 2 Men - One Sweet Day' started to play again , as the coffin slowly moved behind the red curtains. It felt like a century which lasted in 7minutes. As I watched the coffin go behind , my heart and mind started to hurt. Finally they were agreeing with eachother and I hate that it took a time like this for my mind and heart to agree with eachother. I held on to Jermaine's hands really tight , even though he put his shades back on I could still see the tears. I looked around the room all his friends were crying , some were even on the floor.
His mum was crying infront of the alter. I stood up and hugged Jermaine. He held on to me very tightly and said to me Wynter how could I lose someone like this without any warning , he was like a brother to me , I never got to tell him how much he meant to me because we were always trying to act hood , but he never had a chance to understand what he meant to me. I cried buckets while those words were shared.
'Listen Jermaine , Tyrese knows how you felt about him , he knows that you loved him , he knows you were like a brother to him. Don't have any regrets just remember he's always with you'
'I swear Wynt.. I keep seeing him'
''Me too.. Me too''
The last part of the coffin went in as the last words of the song was said
''Sorry , I never told you all that I went to say'' Which was harmonsided perfectly by Mariah's soft , perfect voice.
So much to take in at one day , the funeral service slowly came to an end , and everyone came back to mine , where my aunties had been cooking caribbean food and speaking patois to eachother. They embraced Jermaine and I in emotional deep hugs , then handed us a drumstick each. We smiled in politness. Then went to sit on the sofa with everyone else.
I hadn't talk to Trey all day even though he had been texting me , I had like 5 texts from him. But today , I just needed a day off of love.
This is dedicated to my girl Wendy Castiella Maguire. A beautiful girl who had a beautiful future. Love you and miss you so much. You got taken so unexpectedly and trageically , everyone misses you and it burns that we started to drift apart , but even when you saw me you'd always smile at me with a reassuring smile. Your smile could light up a day. I'm going to miss turning around while walking to school and not seeing your beautiful face. My heart goes out to your Family & Yvan (boyfriend) <3
Wendy Castiella Maguire - 12th November 1995 - 13th January 2012
-Please don't read and not comment I put my heart into this , what do you think ?
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