Finding Ian

Chapter 9// The Zipper's Stuck

❁ CHAPTER 9

I refuse to meet Katherine's eyes as I tell her this, my throat feeling dry. I hated remembering these things, I take a steadying breath my hands clenched onto the top of my thighs. Slowly I lift my gaze back to Katherine, her face showed no sign of judgment. I release my grip on my thighs and lean back "You're not going to say anything?" I whisper Katherine shakes her head allowing my thoughts to echo in the quiet room.

"I felt angry, hurt... and I reacted"

"Yeah... yeah... ok" Ian agrees scratching the back of his neck, I nod silently taking a shaky breath. "But uh, first you gotta return the dress."

"I can't go back" I reply shortly, Ian looks at me but I hold my own; I was not going back.

"Alright, give me a minute" Ian says disappearing out of the bathroom door. As soon as I hear the door close I take another steadying breath and turn to my reflection in the mirror, it stares right back at me.

"Here" Ian says handing me a large t-shirt, I examine it for a minute

"Thanks" I sigh defeated grabbing it from him, slowly I move towards the bathroom stall and lock it behind me. I automatically lift my arm reaching for the zipper but I can't seem to get it to unzip, I let out a noise of frustration I couldn't risk damaging the dress by trying to shimmy out of it. "Ian" I say timidly "Are you still there?"

"Yeah Ella, I'm not going anywhere" He says it with defiance like he was waiting for me to tell him to go.

I cough uncomfortably "The zipper I-I think it's stuck"

"Oh"

"Could you maybe..." I whisper nervously slightly opening the stall door

Our eyes meet "Oh, uh yeah sure" Ian steps in closer and shuts the door behind him leaving only a small space between us, I shut my eyes the situation feeling oddly intimate. "You should probably turn around" Ian smiles

"Ok, but close your eyes" I tell him

"What?" He chuckles

"Close your eyes!"

"No, one had seen me naked... since the diagnosis. In fact the last person to see me naked was Ian and there was no way he was going to see me like this, I know everyone told me that I was perfect just the way I was and all that bullshit but I had gained a significant amount of weight and even though I had vowed to not care what Ian Ward thought of me anymore it was proving to be more difficult than I initially planned."

"Alright fine" Ian agreed "My eyes are shut, see" I open my eyes to see Ian his eyes scrunched together and his lips in a tight line. I can't help but suppress a grin, he looked younger life this, more innocent. I take one final look before turning around I brush all my hair to one side exposing my back.

"Ok" I sigh biting my lip, I feel Ian's hands trace up the back of my dress searching for the zipper and everything seems quite. He places a hand on my shoulder and his right hand begins to pull on the zipper the contact sends a shiver up my spine. The zipper seems to go on forever as he slowly exposes my lower back.

I suck in a breath as he takes his hands a pushes the heavy material off my shoulders leaving me exposed in my underwear. "You can open you eyes" I whisper before I can really think it through. I stand frozen listening to the sound of Ian's breath.

"Beautiful" He whispers his hand gently touching my waist, I cover his hand with my own as I turn around standing so close that our foreheads touch. Ian's eyes don't leave mine as he cups my face in his hand, his touch feels so familiar and yet so foreign I can't help but want more.

"You should get changed" Ian coughs dropping his hand and stepping away from me. "Gavin's probably worried" My heart pounds Gavin. Ian pushed the stall door open and I realize just how exposed I am, I quickly grab the t-shirt from on top of the toilet dispenser and pull it on it barely covers my butt and the uncomfortable cotton fabric leaves my skin feeling irritated. I shamefully pick up the dress up off the floor, what was I thinking I had just broken every rule I had set up for myself shamefully I leave the stall not daring to meet Ian's eyes.

"I'll take this back to the store" he says taking the dress out of my hands, I nod "You should get out of here, clear your head." I nod again. Ian leaves the bathroom and I bite my lip suppressing a scream.

❁❁❁

I exit the mall and the hot California heat bores down on me, I tug down on the t-shirt. I had left my phone in the shop but I wasn't worried. Right now I just needed to escape. My legs begin to pick up speed as I length in my stride and leave my thoughts behind me.

I run for a while, the LA houses blurring together as heart rate clammers tirelessly against my chest. I turn the corner onto a beach, it was packed people in tight bikinis and men throwing a football come into eyesight. I keep running kicking my shoes off as I reach the shoreline and running into the ocean. The salty air invades my sense and I feel at peace, I let out a sigh the cold water feels good on my newly sore muscles and I finally feel like I'm back to normal.

I smile realizing how strange I must look a half clothed girl standing sweatily in the ocean. "Gaby?" A voice calls from behind me "OMG Gaby!" She squeals again putting her hand on my shoulder. I turn sharply and am met with Winnie's hazel's eyes. She's smiling at me dressed in a bright blue one piece, her kinky hair flattened out by the ocean.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I reply as she reaches in for a hug

"Oh my mom wanted to have a beach day with me, cause you know I'm so cool and fun to hang with" She chuckles unraveling her lanky arms from around me.

"Right of course," I laugh always amazed with her amount of self confidence

"So how about you? What brings you to Santa Monica Beach?"

I scratch my head "Prom dresses..." She gives me a confused look "It's um... it's a long story"

"Well I have time" Winnie answers automatically "Honestly, I'm getting tired of mommy daughter time, she's trying to give me 'the talk.' She says her eyes comically wide "Like mom that's what the internets for" I can't help but snort, she grabs onto my arm "Please save me!"

"Alright, alright" I agree "Can we maybe take a walk and talk?"

"I would love that" She agrees smiling

"We talk for hours along the shoreline, well rather I talk Winnie just listens interjecting sounds like 'ooh's' and 'awes' every once in awhile. But other then that she stays quiet no judgement evident on her face, even when I tell her what had just happened with Ian. It's nice to talk to someone with an outside perspective especially Winnie, even though she was younger and full of optimism there was a maturity in her that made me gravitate towards her."

I dig my feet into the sand as we walk back towards the now almost empty beach, "I can't believe how late it's gotten" Winnie chuckles scratching the back of her head "I should probably go before my mom files a missing person's report"

I smile "Yeah probably... thanks for listening to me"

"Are you kidding? Of course! And hey if you ever wanna talk I'm here" With that I'm back in her awkward arms. I pat her back and she pulls away "Bye, Gaby see you around!" I watch as she leaves disappearing down the beach and I once again find myself alone.