In Her Shoes

Chapter 38: The Last Thing I'll Do

It was so hard. Hard, suspenseful and extremely awkward. I was so used to having Anna smiling her big sunshine grin, laughing her goofy laugh, and linking our arms together as we walked to class and she chatted about nothing in particular. When I had entered school and saw her her face paled and she turned and walked quickly away from me.

I felt like dying.

I tried to catch up to her and talk but it near impossible. To top it all off Shelley seemed to have joined forces with Shenise, and they were throwing me death glares all day. I didn't like it. It was okay for them to glare at me, fine. But the had started getting bold again; bumping my shoulder on the way to class, whispering and smirking spitefully at me. They were up to something. And the fact that I didn't have my human ray of sunshine by my side made me feel vulnerable. Like the dark clouds would surround and entrap me at any given moment.

I was in hell.

After school I had ran to catch up to her before she got into her car and I was lucky enough to grab her arm before she did. She whirled around to face me, her eyes wide as if in fear and her jaw clenched. She yanked her arm away and shouted at me in a sharp whisper. "What do you want Jess?"

"I want to talk!"

"I don't wanna talk to you," she snapped.

I felt a lump build in my throat and tried to swallow it down so it wouldn't show the hurt I was feeling. "Why? Why, Anna, why? Because I kissed you? Are you a homophob now cause you know how much of a contradiction that is, right?"

"Don't be stupid!" She snapped again.

"Then why? What did I do? Can you except the fact that maybe I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing?!"

"You weren't drunk Jess! You had a little bit to drink but that wore off so don't even dare using that as a sorry ass excuse!"

This was so different for me. I never had a girl yell at me like this. I've never had to beg for someone to take me back- hell, I never wanted anyone to really take me back! Usually I would piss a girl off and then reel her back in with my wit and charm and she'd be the one begging at my feet. I knew if all the girls who's hearts I had broken saw me like this they would all surround me and applaud.

"I'm sorry Anna!" I shouted as if I were talking to a three year old. "Why can't you forgive me? Why are you so upset about this?!"

"Because I don't wanna lead you on!" She cried, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Anna that's ridiculous can't you see I know where I stand!?"

"Well I don't! I told you about my relationship, Jess. And what if something happens like I think I like you but I end up going for a guy?! Get this through your head: I. Don't. Bat. For. Your. Team."

I just stared at her, my jaw gaping like a fish out of water. She was being so harsh. It was unnecessary. And even worse, though her words were like blows to the stomach I could see the hurt behind her eyes. I could tell she didn't mean anything she was saying, but it sure hurt like hell to hear it.

"Anna," I whispered. "Please you're...you're my best friend... I need you"-

"And that's another thing, Jess," she whispered, "I don't think we should be friends.."

I heard myself gasp and felt my heart thudding rapidly against my chest. All because of a kiss? Why? There's got to be something else. Anna has to much sense, too much heart to be so cold like this. I look into her eyes, searching for something, an answer for her coldness, but almost as if she knows I'm looking for kindness, her eyes harden and her mouth sets in a hard line.