I've started a new group at school, full of girls . So we could relate and help each other. I was recently sexual harassed. It was by I close friend , it's been happening for over a year , and now have gotten too uncomfortable to be near him . I've now have said something. I feel bad , sad , angry , tired. I don't know what I should feel about it , should I be sad or angry . Sometimes I cry about it still . I don't know how to get over it . Some days I feel it stays in the same moment, and I want something done but it just makes me sad , and I feel stuck. I will cry in the weirdest parts of the day , and sometimes I feel like it's not ok to keep crying about it. I don't wanna keep talking about it , but the more I do the more I can explain how it feels. Before any of this happened I always made jokes , never really meant for them to hurt anyone. But now that I think about it , I hate hearing such things , about victim shaming or victim blaming. With more of my depression I now still don't ever want to be looked at and just hide . I'm never wanting to dress up correctly I always wear pjs. I just wanted to be able to tell myself it's appropriate enough for myself. My friends don't know such things yet , I don't want to tell them . You know when in a group of friends you have the inappropriate ones in the group . That's me as well as alot of my friends are. But if I say something I don't want them to think , even if I makes jokes about my body , I don't want you to touch them. I don't want them to think I'm a stupid fake and to never ever talk to me . I've started to hate myself more , I hate looking at my face . Feeling my own marks , any thing on my face , body makes me sick. Every time I have a chance to look in the mirror I want to cry or break it . I disgust myself . I'm super tired of being tired all the time , because it doesn't help my situation. I recently had to talk to a police officer, and in those short minutes, I felt like I was going to die . Reliving every moment and explained detail of those days . It made me feel like I was nothing and was my fault that I let it happen for a year. Those minutes felt like years , the reliving made it feel more realistic and it hurt to myself in such state. My father and sister makes jokes of how I didn't tell him stop (which I did) and always laugh at me . I have no one , the day I had to go in i had a friend who just happened to be there and we talk for a bit . She stayed and took the interview with me . That was the first time she heard about it . It made me feel week that a friend had to see me in such a state. And I felt like shit . I never want to relive an experience like this ever . I never wish it a pon anyone either.im writing this for people who also need to hear for them self on how to cope with them self and their situation.
