Mischief Managed!

32.

"Can I have a word?"

Remus' voice was low and husky to Lily's ears, making her jump. Glancing sideways toward Emmeline and Benjy Fenwick, who were busy locked in a passionate embrace by the fireside, Lily nodded and shuffled over, making room for Remus on the lounge.

"Sure."

Remus fiddled with the buttons on his jacket. "I tried the potion, the other night," he said finally, looking up to meet her eyes with an apologetic smile. "Wasn't much help, frankly. I'm sorry, Lily."

Lily's eyes widened as she listened, and her mouth twisted into a kind smile. "Oh," she murmured. "I'm sorry too, Remus... Well, if it doesn't work the first time, try, try ag-"

Remus held up his hand, effectively silencing her. "Thank you for your concern, Lily. It means a lot that you thought of me at all, but… I don't want you to waste your time on a lost cause. Especially when you should be studying."

Lily's brow furrowed. "I - I - Don't you dare think you're a lost cause, Remus Lupin," she argued fiercely, albeit in a whisper. "In fact, I think with a few adjustments here and there-"

Remus shook his head. "Really Lily, it isn't necessary. Thanks – but no thanks."

Remus sighed inwardly as he stood up and turned away, making his way back across the Gryffindor Common room to where Peter was struggling with Charms revision. It wasn't that Remus didn't appreciate Lily's help… He did, in more ways than she could ever know. But he felt, as always, that the Marauders themselves ran too large a risk in keeping him company, and frankly, Remus didn't want to put anyone else out in the name of his affliction. It just wasn't practical, in his mind, anyway, for Lily to waste her time on a potion that was likely to do absolutely nothing to help. Remus couldn't get his hopes up. He'd lived with this for twelve years already, anyway. He'd cope.

Lily watched Remus' hunched back sadly. He was shying away from her help - that much was obvious. She shook her head, unable to understand why Remus felt the need to bear his burden alone.

Turning toward Emmeline in the hope of some solidarity (although reasonably, Emmeline would have had no idea what Lily and Remus were talking about) Lily found that Emmeline and Benjy seemed to have progressed to kissing. She sighed heavily, watching them from the corners of her eye. What she wouldn't give for James to-

Lily shook her head again in an attempt to clear any thoughts of that nature from her mind. It wouldn't do to dwell on what James seemed so determined to avoid. Gaze landing on the snow-covered landscape beyond the common room window, Lily stood, muttered to no one in particular that she was going for a walk, and left.

Out of the corner of his eye, James noticed Lily leaving the common room, her expression decidedly blank. Curiously, he stood, and made the sudden decision to follow her.

"Back in a while," he murmured to Remus and Peter, who simply raised their eyebrows and nodded.

She felt his presence before she saw him. Lily had wandered in the snow for some time before finding a comfortable rock to perch on by the edge of the lake. She had sat, drinking in the silence for scarce moments before she heard the familiar scrunch of footsteps behind her, and the strange tingling in the back of her neck that told her who had joined her.

Lily watched the lake carefully. The water was black and thick as it crashed onto the shore in small wavelets. It wasn't yet cold enough for the lake to fully freeze over, but nevertheless, Lily didn't fancy going for a wade.

"I'm tired," she confessed quietly, watching the tiny bubbles of foam drift in and out with the tide.

Beside her, she felt James tense. "Tired of what?" he asked carefully, examining her profile.