Starting Life From Another Choice Than Zero

Chapter 1 - From Zero

"Please choose me!"

He heard his voice, the desperation in it.

"If you choose me, I'll give you all that I have!"

There he was again, begging, wanting, hoping for everything to go smoothly. It seems to be the only thing he could do at all. Weak, powerless, unable to change a single thing.

"So please...."

He stared at the concrete ground, and kept his body bending forward, his hand outstretched offering, proposing. Yet he dare not look her in the eye. At least not yet, for fear of her reaction, fear of her response, her rejection.

"Run away with me! Live with me!" He shut his eyes closed, bracing himself for the worst.

The events leading up to this. It felt like an endurance, a harsh cold run to the next checkpoint. The witch cultists, the attack on the village, Rem's vanishing act and Emilia dying in his hands. A challenge he failed to complete due not entirely to the cruelty of it, but also partly to a broken will. He had finally... given up.

"Subaru-kun..." He heard her call his name with her soft, gentle voice and instantly looked up with a hopeful expression on his face.

Her hands were clasped together, resting in the middle. The maid outfit she wore, slightly rumpled by their earlier run. Her short, blue hair covered an eye, while the other was visible by a pink string tied into a shape of a flower, parting it open. And in it he sees not happiness, not joy, nor her usual soft stare. Instead sadness replaced these emotions. The look she gave already answered his question.

"I cannot run away with you. Because, we're supposed to laugh together as we talk about the future, remember?" She said, eyes glistening with tears as she gave a sorrowful smile.

Subaru struggled to find his voice, the words making a resounding impact on him. He directed those same words to her not long ago. Though right now, it seemed ages since that day. If this were a different time, under different circumstances, maybe then he would have found the words to say to her.

"We can't.... do that anymore."

He found himself once again staring at the ground, afraid to look at her.

There was silence. The only thing audible was the dragon-drawn carriages rolling in the streets, the chirping of doves atop ancient pillars, and trying to block it out, Rem's own weeping.

"What's wrong?" She choked, a hand wiping away the tears. "Has something happened that I have not been aware of?"

He dared not peek, or even respond. As much as he wanted to tell her, to let it all out. He couldn't, not after what had happened in that forest, in another life. Instead, he kept his gaze to the floor, pretending not to hear.

"What's troubling you? Please tell me, I'll fix it. Anything that's worrying you at all, even the most trivial of problems, tell me! And I promise I'll do all I can to solve it. Anything that's got you upset, I'll get rid of it! Tell me please.... What has made you... look so sad?"

How tempted he was to shout, to scream, to tell her everything. He was on the verge of it, if he hadn't gritted his teeth and tighten his lips, he might already have. Both fist clenched tightly at his sides, fingernails threatening to break skin. He needed confirmation, so he could finally move on.