Today a girl told me she wished she was as strong as me. I asked what she meant. She explained that she always continues to eat no matter how many times she says she wont, she can never purge and that she wont cut as deep as me. This 10 year old little girl then watched me fall apart for the second time today. Because how could someone think that vomiting up your food because you are too fat is strong, how could she think that slicing your body open is strong. I told her over and over that I was not, that is why I do it, she is the strong one. At one point she said "but I am too fat, and I just couldn't ever do what you do. I am too week to do it.." As the tears ran down my face I tried to explain that curling your body over a toilet every night and watching your food hit the water sometimes having it splash back up at you, is not strong. Sitting in the shower crying after with a razor in your hand is not strong. I couldn't change this girls mind... How... how could someone thing that I... me... this what I have become is good... is the better thing to do... she wants to become like me...
