Once Upon A Wonderland~ Killian Jones

Heartbroken

Word count: 1132

I was heartbroken.

I'd already known when I walked into the room that she didn't remember me, but seeing it first hand was another level of trauma altogether.

Funny, I thought. I was a trauma surgeon, trained to fix situations like this, yet I was utterly helpless in the moment where I needed my skills the most.

I didn't let my smile waver as I looked at Belle. No matter how deflated I was feeling inside, I maintained my smile. For her. "That's okay", I said softly. "We'll get you back. We'll get your memory back."

She smiled back at me. "I've seen pictures of you. Someone... Ruby, I think.. showed me pictures."

"That's good. Who have you seen besides me?" I asked. She looked out the window, studying the vast expanse of darkness. Her face was concentrated, trying to pinpoint something she didn't remember. I shivered, praying to god that this didn't last.

"Besides you and Ruby, I've seen Ma... Mary Margret? And her husband."

"What about Rumple- Mr. Gold?"

Her face went pale, but it might've just been the lights. I got up and walked around to her heart monitor just in case, though.

"No, I haven't seen anyone named Mr. Gold." She said, following my form with her pale blue eyes.

I picked up the clipboard with her charts and thumbed through them, though it was more to give my hands something to do than out of necessity. "Really? That's strange. You two used to be... well, close." I peered at her through my lashes, gripping onto the clipboard with both of my hands to keep them from shaking.

She averted her eyes and shook her head. "Well, I haven't seen him." I swallowed uncomfortably. She took a deep breath, mustering up a weak smile to break the silence that settled with her confession. "So you're a doctor here?" She asked.

"I am. You used to visit me, and volunteer." I shoved the clipboard back into it's pocket on the stand. "Do you remember anything about that?" She guiltily looked at her hands and shook her head.

My throat constricted and I suddenly felt terrible. No doubt seeing all these people from her past was making her feel awful. Everyone was expecting her to remember them, remember something, but she couldn't help not knowing anything.

I swallowed and moved away from her bed. "I... I think I'll go. Give you some time to adjust. I know hospitals aren't all that comforting." I pursed my lips. She nodded and gave me a tight-lipped smile.

"That's okay with me." She said. I shuffled towards the door, hiding my crestfallen face, when she said six words that drove a knife through my chest:

"It was nice to meet you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, my conversation with Belle stuck with me like a song I couldn't stop singing. I tried to be optimistic, to forget about what she had said, but I couldn't help it. I was devastated.

Some part of me hoped that I had gotten through to her. I was determined to help her regain her memory; I felt like talking to her was a start to her remembering.

As I left a CT scan room, I was intercepted by the one and only Killian Jones.

"Shouldn't you be off flirting with some nurse or something?" I grumbled, feeling especially testy towards the pirate after what had happened the night before with Belle.

He inhaled, seeming to ponder my words for a moment. Then, a grin cracked through his facade. "No. I thought I should be flirting with you instead."

I couldn't stop the blush that rose to my cheeks. "Oh, shove off, why don't you,"

"I think you know me well enough by now to know that that's never going to happen." Killian raised an eyebrow cockily.

"Well maybe it should happen," I burst, my cheeks flushed with anger and my hands curled at my sides. Who was he to act like everything was okay, when he was the sole perpetrator of everything bad in my life at the moment?

Killian's smile fell, replaced with a curiously concerned look. "Are you alright, love?"

I averted my gaze. "I spoke to Belle last night."

Killian went still. "Oh," he swallowed. "How was it?"

I expected myself to blow up with all of my usual fury that came when Killian mentioned Belle. But this time, -and I wasn't sure what it was; maybe it was the sincerity of his voice, or my lack of sleep, or the fact that all of my anger and sadness had been spent in the last few days- I let him comfort me. I just broke.

"She didn't remember anything," I whispered. "Not even me. Her best friend."

Killian's face contorted into some unidentifiable emotion- grief? guilt?. He raised his hand and tentatively set it on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

My eyes darted to my shoes. I understood him now. "I know you are."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the same time as yesterday. I was in almost the same exact position, my heart thumping, in my day clothes, in front of Belle's door.

I didn't knock this time. I grasped the handle and walked right in. The first thing I heard was the blaring sound of the TV, some sort of animal documentary from the sound of David Attenborough's droning voice.

"Belle?" I called. There was no answer. I peered farther into the room. The bed was neatly made with the blatant patterned sheet tucked beneath the pillows, and a pitcher of water on the mahogany table next to it. Belle was nowhere to be seen.

Confused, I yanked open the bathroom door. There was nothing in there except the standard issue bottles of shampoo and conditioner, laying abandoned in one corner of the plain counter.

I lurched away from the door and practically ran to the inactive heart monitor. I ripped the clipboard from the stand and, steadying it in my hands, searched for the name of the patient.

It was not Belle's name that was written there, but someone's else's entirely. Which meant that Belle was not at the hospital.

But if Belle wasn't at the hospital, that meant that somebody discharged her, which meant that she was better...

Which meant that Belle had her memory back.

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