Oneshots

3

02/02/2016  the day I lost him.

He said we were going to last forever.

"I'll marry you kookie you just wait and see"  he was smiling from ear to ear.  Then he started getting away little by little, I felt it coming, I knew he wasn't going to stay forever just like he said, I knew if I don't make a move he won't stay, i couldn't.

I just watched him slip away from my hands, all I did was cry. Gosh I was so idiot!

He fed him lies, he believed.
He made me the bad guy, he wasn't against it.
He used to watch me cry, he didn't move an inch.
He convinced him to stop talking to me, he did.
I was lost, he didn't care.
I cried myself to sleep, none knew.
I kept on seeing him in my dreams, I know he doesn't care anymore.

I decided to move on, give up on the love of my life,  and now I don't recognize myself anymore, it's not me. This cold self and heavy heart that I carry everywhere I go, I hide it really well. I mastered acting by now, even if he's the actor in this couple.

I did all this, I walked around screaming " I don't give a fuck" " I don't give a shit" and " I don't care", my friends fell for it, they thought I was doing better now. I wasn't.

I did all this successfully, what I couldn't do was to stop caring for him. I'd always manege to get someone to take care of him whenever he is sad, or when I feel like he is being depressed again,  he loved those people that I sent him, he didn't love me.

16/09/2016 he was back in my life.

He wasn't the one to make the first move. I was .

"Thank you for being with me, for making me feel loved even for a little while, I appreciate it, so here that's about it it's all I wanted to say"  I said smiling weakly at him. very fake he will notice, he always did.

After six whole months of loving him, being hurt, and having my heart shattered Everytime his name is brought up, watching him from afar as he lived through his happy life, I didn't cry anymore I stopped crying after a month of us separating. I was numb, I liked it, I decided to give up already.

To my surprise he hugged me, as I thought, I felt nothing. " I'm sorry, I'm sorry,  I'm sorry , I'm really sorry kookie I was an idiot to believe his words, I was so blind, I can't stop blaming myself for what I did to you, please forgive me, I - I love you Jungkook,  I love you , I'm sorry"  he said with his deep voice while hugging me, I could feel he was crying already, and I no longer held my tears in, I blow up right there in his arms.

He was my all. My love my life.
He was my sunshine in a snowy day.
He was the blankets that kept me warm in winter.
He was the night sky that I would look at every night.
God how I love him.

Yet he was ... the reason I'm depressed now.
The reason I cried myself to sleep.
The reason I was hurt.
The reason I'm still hurting.

I hugged him back, god I miss being in his arms. We cried till our eyes had no more tears to ched.

We ended up sitting in the school roof and skipping class for the whole day, nobody bothered to look for us, he still hasn't let go of me, I was sitting on his lap and he was putting his strong arms around my waist making me feel like I was in protection of everything in the world, I like this  it feels safe, and warm.

"Hey" I finally spoke looking up so I can have a view of his face.

"Yes?" He answered.

" I'll try to forgive you" he cracked me a smile and kissed my forehead witch caught me off guard. I didn't pull away though.

30/12/2016 his birthday is today.

He said he wanted to spend the day with me, something about getting to know each other again. I really did change alot .

We didn't make progress in the past 3 months, I was so busy with school and he was too, we didn't have the time to go on dates and such, we managed to meet everyday at lunch time and have it together, sometimes we'd  spend afternoons at his house or mine helping eachother with school and such. But not really a date.

I got ready wearing my ripped jeans and paired them with a red hoddy and my timberlands and I just throw a coat on it, I styled my hair so I'd look presentable, I grabbed his present and got out of my house only to get hit by the cold winter air, I walked to his house since it wasn't that far  from mine.

He was waiting out side his house, I smiled and he did same when he saw me, he run to me engulfing me in a hug as soon as he was near me, I hugged him back.

"Happy birthday !" I said as soon as he pulled away from the hug. I gave him his present and he opened it, his eyes sparkled with joy.

It was a music box we saw last year when we were coming home from school, he fell in love with it, and I was in love with him, so I bought it to give him it on his birthday or something, but I never really had the chance to give him it till now.

He hugged me again, I'm falling for u again, will u catch me this time?

"I will" he said and right then I realized that I voiced my thoughts, I wasn't embarrassed though.

I was happy, truly happy.
I forgive you Kim Taehyung. Even if you believed someone else's lies about me, even if you hurt me, I still forgive you cause I love you.