What Lies In Me

Chapter 22

The agents that work with Malah come up and surround us, a mere minute after we secured Irkingu. Why couldn't they have gotten here a minute earlier? Malah has a smile of satisfaction on her face. She and I walk over and look down at Irkingu. He looks up at us, his expression still calm.

"What will you do?" he asks. "Will you send me to the abyss yet again? Do I get another vacation?"

"Doing such would be a waste of time, and you know it," Malah replies curtly. "We have cells that can detain even you."

"Ah, so you want to keep me around? Planning a family reunion? I'd rather not come." Irkingu's demeanor hasn't changed, despite his uncomfortable position and the disk stuck in his arm. It makes me nervous that he can be so calm. Surely a demon wouldn't take being defeated by a human so lightly?

"Oh, well we could always send you back to the abyss, so long as you come back in a form as weak as this one again," Malah says, putting her foot on his side. "You were much more powerful the last time you came back."

Irkingu laughs, a harsh, raspy laugh that makes me cringe. "No, Malah, you only see with your pitiful, useless eyes. I am stronger than I have ever been! You see, over and over again, I have been sent to the abyss. Each time I come back, I take a physical form, befitting me on this earth. But with every form, it is always the same, the strengths and weaknesses balance out, and I am defeated."

"And you are no different now!" Malah exclaims, "Still, you fail to adapt!"

"Oh, no, not now." Irkingu seems to shrink, drawing back in on himself. I take a step back, alarmed. "I have mastered coming back from the abyss. I can do it as many times as I need to. And I have also mastered everything that comes with it!" With a shout, he slides backwards and stands, slipping out of my earthen restraints, which have somehow come loose. I jump back away from him as his hair begins to grow, covering his body.

"I can take any form I desire!" the demon cries as he drops to all fours and begins to grow. The agents all immediately fire restraining weapons at him, but through all of the smoke caused by their weapons, I can see Irkingu standing, unaffected. I turn and run towards my friends.

"Run! Get behind something!" I can hear myself yelling. Adrenaline courses through my veins, heightening my senses. I can feel the wind from the agents' scattered shots that pepper behind me. Malah has vanished yet again, for whatever reason. Considering the danger I am in, I turn and begin to back away, facing Irkingu. In the demon's former position is a dragon-like monster, fangs bared. His skin is covered in black hair, not scales, and he has no wings, but spines run down his back and tail. Yellow saliva drips from his massive jaw, large enough to snap up a human whole.

"And where do you run, Namtillaku?" Once again, a voice echoes in my head, just as Zahrim's voice did, but this one is strong and full of pride. It echoes deeply, resonating in my bones.

"I'm not Namtillaku!" I yell. The dragon's eyes narrow, and it leaps forwards. I feel an explosion of weight on my chest, and my vision flickers as my head hits the ground. I am pinned by the dragon's foot. It lowers his head to face me.

"Stop!" I hear Sadie yell, and a plasma shot fires into Irkingu's side. The dragon growls and hisses as the metal lodged in his side sizzles. An arm grows out of the affected area, and reaches for her. I can hear it push and pin her to the ground. The agents begin to fire at the beast again, and another one of Jackson's disks also whizzes at him. More arms sprout from the dragon, too numerous to count. They reach out, covering the area, flattening any threat. Soon, all is silent, but for the groaning of men with a tremendous amount of weight on their chests.

"I'm... not the one... you are looking for..." I wheeze out, struggling for air.

"Yes you are," Irkingu's voice replies. "I have been sent to the void twice by you. You have been my enemy for many years. I know who you are. And now you will become my source of power."

"Wh- what?"

"You know, don't you? That your powers are the only thing that can seal me away. You've done that to me twice."

"Oh... right. I'm not... Namtillaku..." I breathe. "I don't know why I have this blood."

The dragon pauses for a moment. "So, you have amnesia?"

"No, I'm a human! I didn't ask for all of this! I don't know why all of this is happening!" Inwardly I curse Asarualim. He had to have known how this would turn out. Some protection he turned out to be.

"You are Namtillaku! I know your presence, worm! The fact that you are now human is irrelevant!" Inside my head, the voice screams at me. I flinch and struggle, but soon return to focusing on breathing.

"I have a life here! I know who I am!" I reply. "I've never been a demon!"

"Then what is your name, worm?" asks Irkingu, this time out loud.

"It's not Namtillaku, it's... it's..." My mind scrambles violently. Perhaps it's the lack of oxygen... no, a name is something concrete. Why am I thinking? A name is not something you think about, it's something you know. From the very beginning of everything, of life, of a relationship, of school, of a contract, all that I am is my name. I have always been my name. What is it? Why do I have to think to name it? Why can't I think to name it?

I recently met Sadie, what did I tell her my name was? ... What did she introduce me as? What did I sign that contract as? Why can't I remember? An ache begins to grow in my head, blotting out most of my rational functions. All I can think is 'my name, my name' over and over. I push through the pain. Does Sadie know? Do my friends know my name? Does anybody? Do I even have one? I search my mind. Nobody has referred to me by a name. What's going on?

"What kind of trick are you trying to pull!?" I shout at the beast. It seems amused.

"Can't remember your own name, Namtillaku?" I feel recognition of the name, which sickens me and causes more pain in my mind. "Do you not remember what Nebiru did to you? Who you are?!"

"I'm not him!" I cry, searching my head. I wriggle my hand, reaching for my pocket, and Irkingu lifts up some pressure to allow me movement. I grab my wallet and pull out my driver's license.

'Brian Michael Dunn' is what it reads. I feel no connection to that name. That name isn't who I am. I know that I have never heard that name before. I drop my wallet and card to the ground. My vision blurs, either due to the headache or tears.

"Who am I?" I ask myself. I remember my childhood years, time spent with Jackson and Tony. Both of them antagonized me when we were young, and I retaliated in kind, but we grew to care about each other. Who am I? I remember the first time I drove a car, my father teaching me in the gravel parking lot at the city park. Who am I? I remember when I first started school, and made a new start, traveling to all of the events and desperately trying to remake myself anew. I remember the love, losses, anger, troubles, fun, pain, and joy of my life. What happened to my name?

"You are no longer the person you remember being." The voice of the dragon sounds out loud. "You killed that person. You took his place. You are still Namtillaku. And that means that I can use you." Irkingu picks up my limp and defeated body. The last thing I feel is a sharp pain in the side of my head.

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