What Lies In Me

Chapter 2

I awake from my nightmare. The blue sky is the first thing I see, its blinding brightness causing me to squint. I am lying on my back on a wooden bench near the school library. Even as groggy as I am, that doesn't seem quite right. The dream is still wearing off, and I feel as if I can't move, but I'm sure that this mental paralysis will pass, as it has before. Even now, I am able to move my legs a bit. Grabbing hold of the bench, I slowly ease myself into a sitting position and take a deep breath.

Having just awoken from a very vivid dream, I feel... unsure of reality. I could very well still be dreaming, and this reprieve could just be a continuation of the dream. This has happened to me many times before. The feeling of depersonalization I have right now is overwhelming, stronger than I have ever felt. I don't feel like I am who I am. I am almost certainly still dreaming. Of course, there is an easy way to test this. I have an indicator I can use, something that behaves differently in dreams than in reality.

Looking at me, there isn't really much to see. I am taller than average, with messy brown hair, freckles, and bright blue eyes. I'm rather thin, gangly, and overall, a little bit awkward. I've never been very popular with girls; in fact, I can count the number of dates I've had on one hand. Or even zero hands. Not that I've ever really tried.

Ah, but in my dreams, I'm smooth. I'm suave, smart, sweet, strong, a regular Casanova. In my dreams, things go pretty well when I try to enchant a beautiful girl. This will be my litmus test.

I decide to take a shot at the beautiful girl walking by. I happen to know who she is, and she is definitely a candidate I would dream about. Her name is Sadie. She's got long, flowing black hair, green eyes, and a finely-toned figure. She's also on the honor role, which is unusual for a girl as popular as she is. She goes to all the school's events, and has a reputation for being smart, witty and fun. In short, she's every nerd's dream girl. That's why it is perfectly understandable that I might think I'm dreaming as I wake up with her passing nearby. If I am dreaming, this could become a really interesting dream. If not, what have I got to lose?

I sweep my hair out of my face and walk up to the girl, putting on a display of confidence that I didn't know I was capable of. So far, so good. I put on my most romantic voice, look directly into her eyes, and speak.

"Hello, beautiful."

"Huh? What do you want?" She stops, seemingly confused, and looks at me. That's a warning sign, but I've come too far to stop now.

"Only the pleasure of your company."

She glares at me and continues walking. I am definitely not dreaming. I wish I could just vanish now. That was an embarassing mistake.

So now I have completely humiliated myself in front of her. Good job, me. I guess that it's okay, as I'm not ruining any chances of success I might have had, but it's still embarrassing. As she moves on towards the library, half a dozen excuses for my behavior run through my head. And...

Wait.

Library?

I'm just outside of the Anderson-Collins Academy library. I woke up here. I have no memory of leaving my dorm. I wasn't drugged or drunk, I'm not the kind of person that passes out on benches. I don't remember anything. The campus spins around me, and I stumble back to the bench and sit down. My teeth are chattering, though it's the middle of summer. I don't know what to think or feel. This is reality, and I am simply missing part of it. Do I have a sleepwalking disorder that somehow led me here? No, that can't be it. I've never had something like this happen, as trivial as it seems. I feel like I've been robbed of my agency, but I can't figure out how.