this book is about my life. what ive been through and what im going through. if you want to read on, go ahead. if you dont, go ahead. no ones stopping you.
-H
Hey guys!! it's Hailey. How have you guys been? I hope you're all well and healthy :)
You know what's funny? We're all taught that needs are Water, Food and Air but some of us think otherwise. We stopped eating. We start to vomit on purpose everything we consume. We starve ourselves till we loose few kilograms. And that's exactly what happened to me few months back. I started to skip meals slowly. I would always skip lunch or dinner. If I ate lunch, I won't eat dinner. If I ate dinner, I won't eat lunch before. After that it was the fasting month for the Muslims. (Yes i am a Muslim. ) I was so happy. I only fast for 3 weeks cos the other 2 weeks i was sick. Then when I resumed school , we had to take our height and weight. I lost almost 2kg. I was 45.8kg to be specific. To be frank, I was so happy. I was smiling all the way but deep down I know im somehow anorexic.
Then I think few days later, I googled to calculate my BMI. My BMI was like 17.8 something i think? I was underweight. To be honest, I felt like I did it. I finally lost weight. But i know in my heart that I'm doing something bad.
Soon I became quiet and quite moody. I told my best friend about it. I broke down while telling her. I told her that Im just full of regrets. Here's a part of the convo:
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Dont get me wrong. I love food. Well some. I started eating again. Regularly. 3 times a day. Sometimes 4 times. Few weeks back I weighed myself again. I was almost 47kg. I felt bad. I wanted to throw up. The worst thing is that I felt FAT. On that same day, I stayed up late. I broke down.
The ironic thing is my ex-best friend is somehow a part of the reason. She called me fat. She said I had no boobs nor butt. Once I want to show her of me in a dress. It was a side profile. Suddenly she zoomed into my stomach and said "are you pregnant?". She got a bad heart guys. And the fact that she weighs more than me and has more "fats" than me amuses me. From there I began starving again.
And then my mum said that we're going to Australia in November and I was really excited and I wanted to do a vlog. Long story short, my 64gb iphone 5 cracked and the sensor of the screen is not sensitive anymore so i changed to 16gb iphone 5. And to tell you the 16gb iphone 5 can't even record a 10 minute video. So i stopped eating at school in order to save up to repair my phone. To repair , it was $100 but then the shop keeper gave me $80 because i was just a school girl. So now i have enough money to pay to repair phone. And also this is the last week of school for me. Im graduating on 30 September. Im been eating right now so Im recovering.
You guys might wonder why is the title of this chapter is "How Eddy Met Me". Eddy is a nickname for eating disorder for me.
