Wake me

14: Fresh Start

The following hours were all blurs, probably something I wouldn't be able to recall later on in my life. However, the vision was still imprinted onto my mind like a red, fat tattoo.

I hadn't answered mothers statement. Instead, I let the phone slide out of my hands and clamber onto the floor. Anna, wide eyed and open-mouthed, ran towards me and caught hold on my shoulders just as I was leaning forward to collapse. She stroked my hair and lay me down onto the bed, my body feeling extremely heavy and empty. My eyes were open, but all the objects seemed unimportant and blurred out. Even Anna's face had a vague outline with groggy features, her hands like baseball bats against me, even though her touch was caring and worrying. "Mrs Elliot!" She screamed from outside the dorm door, "Mrs Elliot, please! Come quick!" Words became fumbling sounds that I couldn't decipher and my body felt unattached from my mind. I couldn't move my hands or feel my feet, and my legs felt heavy and hollow. "Grace, Grace, are you okay?" Anna's words were unclear to my ears, and I shut my eyes, mumbling words of their own meaning.
"Shit, where is she?" Anna cried out, running to the door again, shouting and shouting. Another body entered the room, quick and quietly. It was a woman, I assumed Mrs Elliot. She put something cold over my forehead and began wiping my face with her cold hands, unbuttoning my cardigan and letting me lay there in a sticky shirt and pants. I began to weep, uncontrolled sobs turning into violent shakes and spasms. My coughs and breaths were short and rattled, and I could hear Anna's worried inquiries while Mrs Elliot looked after my writhing body. I heard a phone dialing, panicked voices and the dorm room slam shut.
"Grace Parker... She just... Yes... No response... She didn't... I don't..."
I couldn't make out full sentences, and the words I did hear were fumbled and jumbled up. I felt like a baby who didn't understand proper sentences yet, who couldn't walk, or who couldn't talk, who couldn't remember anything.

White, red and blue lights flashed violently across my mind, following by screams and crashes and skidding and the pounding of rain. My body squirmed and my eyes felt painful as everything became yellow and dotted with red. Now, I couldn't hear or see anything besides the fuzzy dots that swum around in my eyes. I coughed and breathed in sharp, painful breaths. I couldn't focus anymore- were the screams real, or figures of my imagination? A sharp pain went through my body, and I shut my eyes tightly, swirling away from reality.

Beep. Beep. Beep.
I opened my eyes slowly, and it still sort of hurt to look around. A dull white light shone next to where I lay, clashing with the white sheets over my body. The walls around me were a soft blue, making me want to throw up in my lap. I felt the acid boiling in my stomach, and I swallowed it down despite the burning in my throat. I tried to get up, but found myself attached to drips and heart monitors... Hospital. I had wound myself up in this place again. I didn't know what had happened, it hurt too much to try recall. Was it today? Yesterday? What day was it, anyway? Then the thought hit me that Luke was missing. I was supposed to be panicking, but for some reason my adrenaline just refused to work. Had they given me calming tablets of some sort? I smoothed back my greasy hair and began to think.
I had obviously ended up in hospital because of a fit of some sort. I remembered  it now- not clearly, for it was all blurs and murmurs and red dots, the feeling of my head shrinking. I was given a calm shot, an overdose on purpose, then rushed to hospital. Where was everyone? Had they found Luke? There were so many questions that had to be answered.

"Grace?" The hospital room door was pushed open slowly and there stood Anna, small and frightened with her wide eyes. "Anna," I managed to croak, "Please come here, I need to-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" Anna cried out, rushing towards me and wrapping her arms around me. I knew spent she was talking about- mother had obviously told her. I didn't answer, though, I kept silent and pulled her closer. She sensed my soft sobs and rattled breaths, pulling away in case I couldn't breathe.
"I was afraid," I whispered shakily, "Of what you'd think."
"Grace! I'm sorry," she sighed, "now I know why you have nightmares and faint all the time."
I nodded slowly, swallowing my pride down. Lying in this metal bed, I must've looked so weak and pathetic. I tried to ignore the pill bottles and drips in the corner of my eyes.