"Strangers with Memories" Dean Ambrose x Reader Fanfiction

~ It's Over, isn't it ?~

Epilogue 

Dean's POV

The funeral director wore empathy like his overcoat, just for work. It wasn't that he was a cold person, quite the opposite, but he had to find a way not to be drained by constant grief. Stepping into the world of the bereaved, even just a fraction, day after day would wipe him out emotionally. He'd seen more bodies returned to the earth, more souls returned to the Lord, than most people saw sunsets. Today was no different. The funeral was all black clothes and white waxy faces, every one of them with puffy red eyes. I cried until there was nothing left inside but a raw emptiness that nibbles at my insides like a hungry rat. My irises were threaded scarlet and my eyeballs hung heavy in their sockets. My whole body hung limp like each limb weighed twice as much as it had before and just moving it about was a slow, painful effort. The sun still shone in the sky, but not for me, the birds sung in bursts of melody, but not for me, to me there was no beauty left in the world.

In that moment of loss my world collapsed - where there was light became shadows, the pain coming and going like waves on frigid sand. Though my mind called out for yours the connection was gone... you were gone... and finally I knew that my time to be alone had come. Loss is the side of loving they never warn you of... that should you lose your lover your heart is buried with them. When the dirt hits the wood it buries your soul too. There is no coming back, and so the world becomes as if made of shadows and every breath feels hollow in the chest.

Love and sorrow, the twins... the love comes first sweet and strong, then the sorrow that we shall never again be together in this life. I can only pray that we will be reunited in the next, that God would see fit to give us more time. But for now the loss is more than my heart can take and I feel the dark clouds looming in from above to obscure the sun. If love is a divine gift then sorrow is also, for in its enormity is the proof of what used to be. What I once treasured is now a memory, a shadow lingering in the depths of my mind. It's a strange thing to lose something which you once had, like a limb torn from your body without the chance to save it. The door that was once open and welcoming was locked and dis inviting. She had left me; I was alone.

For as we love we accept the pain to come, that in our world we are mortals born to live, age and die. But when my time came to loose her I wanted to be lost with (y/n), to take that step into the unknown at her side. I resented those who reached out to me, to prevent my following her  departure. So now, now in this grieving that never ends, I dedicate the rest of my life to her memory and spend each night alone.

There will always be a part of me still at her funeral and listening to the hymn. It's the part that refuses to let her go, that needs our bond to extend past our mortal life together.

Author's Notes:

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