Chapter 4
Seashore
Hindi ko maintindihan pero these paintings in front of me remind me something from my Past. Gusto ko sanang pigilan yung sarili kong alalahanin pero its been 9 years since I've decided to bury those memories, not because I regret it but because I have to. It was never easy for me to forget all of that, lahat ng alaalang yun mahalaga sakin at hanggang ngayon pinahahalagahan ko. Dumating lang talaga sa punto na kailangan kong bitawan yung mga bagay na nasa akin, na kahit halos ayoko bumitaw, at the end, it was me who left. It was me who walked away not even trying to fight for what I love and need. I chose career instead. I chose France rather him.
I hate it that after all these years; I thought I fully recovered from the past. The pain I felt that time were all coming back to me now. Right at this moment, I automatically, held up my hand to touch the Masterpiece entitled, Under the Moonlight. Parehas na parehas yung set up sa painting sa nangyari noon. Same as I remembered. I suddenly feel the Hole in my Chest..
This isn't right. Nagtataka ko kung bakit ganito. Hindi pwedeng coincidence kasi lahat ng Paintings were all part of my Past.
The MC announced the Fourth Painting, and I feel anxious. Could it be--?
I was lost in thought when I saw the Fourth Painting. Tears start to build up.
'' Cette fois, nous allons rencontrer la personne derrière tous ces chefs-d'œuvre. '' (this time we'll meet the person behind all these masterpieces )
People inside the Museum gets excited. As the MC starts to introduce the Man behind all of these.
As soon as he enters the museum. My heart starts to beat fast. I never expect that after many years, we will be able to see each other again.
He looks like a different person now from what I have remembered back then. It was a relief seeing him achieved his Dreams. I really think everything everything happens has a purpose.
He started walking, unknowingly I realized that he is heading to my direction. I stared at his eyes for a while, and was caught off guard when I saw him looked back at me. He didn't smile. Well, I am not expecting that he will smile at me, but why do I feel disappointed?
He stops at the fourth masterpiece, and slowly revealing the Painting. I am paying that much attention that I almost feel everything happens in a slow mo.
The curtain covering the Painting starts to loose, and to my shock i was right.
--
Ang saya saya namin dahil simula nung umamin kami sa isa't-isa naging maayos naman ang lahat. Wala kaming pinagtatalunan, exactly what I like. I still remembered that night, we promised each other that we will never leave each other side and will fight no matter what happen as long as we are together.
I have never felt so happy before. My family is my happiness but this one is way different from that. He makes me feel very special everyday. Every single day.
''Ang ganda ng stars noh'' sabi ko sakanya habang nagsstar gazing kami at nakain ng mga street foods na paborito naming. Nasa kwarto ko kami, sa may labas since may balcony ako, dun kami nagstay. While fulling my mouth with all of these isaws, hotdog, Betamax ; he said, ''I love you'', out of nowhere bigla niyang sinabi yun. Halos mabilaukan tuloy ako, punong puno yung bibig ko.
Pinalo palo ko yung dibdib ko para mawala, pero hindi effective. Damn, nabigla naman kasi ako. So siya agad agad tumakbo palabas ng kwarto at dali daling kumuha ng tubig.
Iniabot nya sakin yung tubig, ''SIRA KABA! SA TINGIN MO MAWAWALA YAN SA PUKPOK PUKPOK LANG SA DIBDIB.''
Binaba ko na yung baso, ''sorry naman po. Masyado lang akong nasarapan sa foods, kaya heto.''
''Wala ka bang narinig ha?''
''Ha? Wala eh. Focus kasi ako sa foods may sinabi ka ba''?
''AH WALA.'' Sabay alis sa harap ko.
Alam kong nagtatampo yun. Ang cute talaga niya pagtripan.
After naming mga star gazing, umuwi na siya sa kanila, since we are in the same village walk trip lang yun. So I said, goodbye.
''Pasensya na kanina ah. Wag mo na lang pansinin yung sinabi ko, total hindi mo naman narinig'' sabay kiss sa forehead.
I hugged him tight.
Months passed. I received an unexpected news that changes everything.
''Alexandrite, we are moving to France, honey.'' Mom said while we were eating breakfast. Nakuha pa naman ako ng hotdog, pero dahil sa sinabi niya nahulog yung hotdog na tinusok ko ng tinidor at tumalbog talbog nalang sa sahig. I feel sorry for the Hotdog, but I feel more sorry to myself.
''Mom,you're joking right?'' waiting for my mom's confirmation.
''No. We are moving next week. Whether you like it or not. We are going'' ''You settle what you need to settle here. I will not accept excuses, Alexandrite. This is for your own good''
''But Mom—
''NO EXCUSES''
''PAANO NAMAN SI TRISTAN? MAIIWAN KO SIYA MA. ANO NA LANG MARARAMDAMAN NUN NA AALIS NAKO. MAGIISA NANAMAN SIYA. MALULUNGKOT. PINANGAKO KO NA HINDI KO SIYA IIWAN PERO ETO ? IIWAN KO DIN PALA ? PLEASE MOM, please.. Lets just stay here and be happy.
''After all these years my daughter, all I did was for you to be happy. Everything you want was all okay for me as long as you are happy. Would you please? Atleast give this one to me, Anak? I needed my own happiness too. Now that im getting married, now that I am happy will you please be happy for me too? Just like what I did for you?''
I don't know what to say. I was speechless. Mom really gave me everything just for my own happiness. I was selfish as a child but she were never selfish as a Mom. Maybe it's time for her to be happy, maybe it's time for me to give back everything she have done. It may be hard for me, but it is much harder for mom if I disobeyed. Mother deserves her own happiness, and I have no choice but to give her that.
'' Im sorry. Pero ayoko na'' pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili ko umiyak sa harap ni Tristan. It is very hard for me to pretend that I didn't care anymore.
''Bakit? May nagawa bako? Ok naman tayo diba? Wala naming problema diba?'' ''huy! Wag ka naman ganyan'' Tristan, umiiyak ka nanaman.
I need to hurt him. Hindi naman siya maniniwala kung gagamit ako ng ibang reasons, so I hope this will do, ''you know Marcus, I never loved you. I never felt anything for you. Lahat ng yon mali. Nagkamali ako. Hindi kita kayang mahalin dahil iba naman ang gusto ko. Ginamit lang kita dahil may kailangan ako sayo. Are you that stupid, Marcus? Hindi mo ba napansin? Pero salamat ng dahil sayo, masaya kami.''
Marcus stayed still. His eyes were cold, way different a few minutes ago. ''Ginamit? Ah. So ganun ka pala klaseng tao. Nagkamali pala ako ng pagkakakilala sayo. Buti nalang nalaman ko agad habang hindi pako gaano nahuhulog sayo. Salamat at sinabi mo. Magsama kayo nung bago mo.'' Hearing him say this words breaks my heart. I hurt him, while all he did for me was to love me. I didn't want this either but it is the only way for me to be able to leave for france not worrying about him.
''It's your brother, Marcus. It was always him.'' I said it.
Marcus expression changed. I saw pain but he composed himself, acting like he doesn't care.
'' I wish you both well. See you in Hell.'' And with that, he turned away from me and starts walking away.
Nung nawala na siya sa paningin ko that's when I cried hard. This is very painful for me. As if there's someone creating a hole in my chest. All I can think was, I will never get over this pain''
Everything we had for almost many years, ended in this Place, ended in the Seashore.
