Secret Admirer

Chapter 29

"One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realised I was thinking of you."

Elise Williams

PROM NIGHT

My long brown hair had been curled and hung gracefully. Diamond earrings dangled from my ears and my dress looked better than I could remember.

Christopher waited at the bottom of the stairs, my parents standing with him, my mother with a camera in hand. I could see tears well up in my father's eyes, a small smile dancing on his face. My eyes floated over to Christopher who had a corsage in hand. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, the two men breathed heavily as if they'd been holding their breath and my mother sighed. "You look gorgeous, hun," my loving mother said. I wrapped my arms around her giving her a tight hug. "Love you," I said. When I turned to dad, his dark brown eyes looked at me in admiration. "Love you Dad," I said burying my head in the nape of his neck. I turned to Chris. He took the corsage out of the box and tied it to my wrist, a proud smile glowing on his face. 

My mother wanted to take photos so we let her, pose after pose, the camera capturing the image and freezing the memory. When she looked satisfied, I spent o look at Chris. "Ready?" he asked. "Ready."

This year, the Prom was being held at a large venue. Christopher decided that we'd just take his car. The drive to the venue was somewhat lengthy and silent. Neither of us said much. The one thing exchanged the whole way was small smiles. Even then, most of my smiles were forced. 

The two of us walked into the venue arm in arm. The place was crowded, girls and their dates scattered everywhere. I noticed a long table to the side of the room which was full of refreshments. "Do you want a drink?" Chris asked. "Yeah sure." As he progressed towards the refreshment table, I looked around the room standing in one spot. It took me a moment to realise who I was looking for. In fact, there were two who's. One of them was Olivia. And the other was Ethan. At long last, I saw Olivia. She wore a long sky blue gown and was talking to a girl. Both of them had a drink in hand and they laughed as they spoke. The other girl turned around and I was able to see her face. She was the red-head with freckles that I'd seen Olivia with at Matson's party a few weekends before. Olivia noticed me staring and her face shifted from delight to complete awkwardness. She bowed her head before returning to conversation with the other girl who I assumed was now her girlfriend. I wondered how they'd met but it wasn't any of my business. 

Chris returned with drinks in hand and I gratefully took the one he offered to me. "Cheers," I said and we clinked glasses. The pace of the music finally changed and a slow song began to play. "Wanna dance?" Chris asked awkwardly and I silently nodded and smiled. He took my hand and led me to the centre of the room. A chandelier hung over us, the light reflecting off of the diamonds and casting a series of shapes around the room. One of my hands lay within Christopher's, the other on his shoulder. His other hand sat on my waist. The two of us swayed to the music along with the many other couples. My head lay on his shoulder, my attitude less than enthusiastic. I told myself it was just because I'd never done anything like this before. But in my heart, I knew it was something deeper. It didn't feel right - being there with Chris. As much as I liked him, it felt wrong. And I was distant. The only time my attention refocused was when I heard a door open. My eyes would dart up to the sound, expecting to see Ethan walk through the door. I told myself I was being stupid. Why would he? He had to reason to. His girlfriend had left him and I had my own boyfriend. 

"It's him isn't it?" Chris said. "Hm?" My thoughts had once again wandered to a far off place. 

"Ethan. You love him." I pulled away from Chris. "What are you talking about?" I said. He didn't sound angry, nor did he look it. But I could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. "I see the way you look at him Elise. Don't deny it. Please. It won't to either of us any good."

I sighed. He was right. It wouldn't. I had to tell him what happened the day Ethan came over for a swim. He was handing the opportunity to me on a silver platter. "He kissed me," I blurted out. "What?" he said. I could feel the pain swell within him. "A couple weeks ago. One day I asked him if he wanted to come over for a swim. I was trying to get him to do something other than think about his problems. And then he kissed me." Christopher was quiet for a few moments. Then in a small voice he said, "You only thought to tell me this now?" I could feel his disappointment, his anguish. "I never wanted to hurt you." I felt like such a bad person. He sighed. "I know."

Neither of us had anywhere else to go so we moved to the back of the room and stood beside each other in silence, waiting for the night to play out. I knew it was stupid to hold onto the hope that Ethan would turn up but I did. And I held onto that hope with everything I had.