Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 16 ~ Louis

Chapter 16 - Louis

When we arrive in Indianapolis, I am both relieved and disappointed that Marley and I are not sharing a room. That would have been weird, but being stuck in a room with her for hours doesn't seem so terrible either.

My room is 209, hers is 207. When I get inside I throw everything on the bed, I will unpack later, but really there is no need for unpacking since we are only here for three nights. When you're on tour, you are not in one place for long. That bus is cramped as it is and I don't like sleeping in there unless absolutely necessary.

I flip on the TV and since it is only eleven in the morning here, we have hours and hours until sound check. A knock on my door tears me away from some sports channel. It's Zayn. "Hey mate, have you seen my bag? I'm pretty sure I brought it up here."

I lean on the door. "It might be on the bus."

"Yeah, but Harry said Niall brought it up. I can't find it here...I'll ask Marley if she's seen it."

"I'll do it!" I nearly shout. It's annoying how much I want to see her.

"Alright," Zayn says slowly, confused about my behavior. "Let me know if you find out anything."

"Okay," I reply, stepping out into the hall and I wait until Zayn is in his room before I knock on room 207. There is a moment of silence before the door opens, and Marley is standing there in sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

"Louis," she smiles. "Hi."

"Hi," I breathe. "Um...have you seen Zayn's bag? He can't find it."

"No," she frowns. "I haven't. Sorry." Just then her phone rings. "It's Lou, I should go see what she wants. See you around."

My eyes follow her. "Yeah sure." She disappears into Lou's room and I sigh, my eyes drifting into her room. Her clothes are folded neatly on bed but are not put away. I chuckle; she can be so OCD sometimes.

My curiosity gets the best of me and before I know what I am doing, my feet are carrying me into her room. I know it's terrible of me to be invading her personal space, but I can't find it in myself to leave. All her bags are empty and everything is organized neatly on the bedspread. A pink journal catches my eye on the nightstand. It has a pink bow in the top corner. It suits Marley's personality perfectly, clean, neat, and hardly written in. I open it; turn around to make sure I am the only one in the room, and my eyes run over the pages, soaking in Marley's perfect handwriting.

Why can't things be so much simpler? The boy I long to be around has gone and had a wonderful date with a girl. I guess I deserve it, I set up the whole thing. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. This boy, Louis doesn't even know how much I hate myself for liking him. I shouldn't really. He is rude and stubborn and five minutes after meeting him it was obvious he did not want to know me. Yet here I am, writing about how much I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to, but some things you can't help right?

My eyes widen. She wrote this about me? When? It must have been during or after my "date" with Cassie. So she was thinking about me just as much as I had about her? My fingers turn the page and this time I see a longer entry, but I skim until something catches my attention.

When someone says they are in love, my stomach does flip flops. I know nothing about love, yet I am glad, I don't want to be heartbroken, I have gone through that once. I was fifteen, so you might not call it that. But I think love is when someone is constantly on your mind and no matter where you are or what you're doing, you know that if that person was right next to you, it would make everything better. Their smile and voice and laugh and body language is replaying through your mind. Despite the way they may treat you, you will do anything to get them to say your name.

That is love.

So if that is love then I am on the road to it. I can see the finish line, but instead of sprinting towards it, I am walking. Slowly but surely I am falling in love with Louis Tomlinson, and if you ask me why, I will lay awake at night for hours trying to think of three reasons why.

I drop the journal and it closes as it reaches the floor. Marley is falling in love with me? Just thinking the words "in love" are enough to make me want to run for the hills and never look back, but something inside of me is making me stay, stay right here with wide eyes while my body is frozen. I know that she can come back in here at any second, but I don't care, I am too shocked to move.

She wrote that she went through heartbreak when she was fifteen, making it sound terrible. What happened? Guilt drowns me when I remind myself that I shouldn't even know this, that I had no right going into her things but this is a big deal, I don't know how to respond.

My phone. I need to call Paul to see what time we have sound check. If we have only an hour I don't think I will be able to talk to Marley in time, this is going to take some time to think over, right? I pick up her journal and put it back, run out of the room, close the door and go into mine. I lunge for me cell phone. Paul tells me sound check is at four, it's already noon. I breathe a sigh of relief.

Before I can over-think anything, I am in front of Marley's door, knocking. Hopefully she came back and didn't notice that I was in her room. I don't exactly know what I am going to say to her, but I have to see her, I have to tell her that I am thinking about her just as she is thinking of me.

I hold my breath, and the door opens. "Hey, Am, I was wondering..." She is standing in front of me in white skin tight jeans and a black lace bra. Holy fuck. Shit. My eyes widen as I take her in and when I meet her eyes, they seem bluer than usual. They capture me and pull me to her, and before I know what my body is doing, I am kissing Marley.

My hands cup her face as she walks backwards and eventually her back hits the wall. I keep moving towards her until our bodies are pressed against each other. One of my hands snakes around her waist and the pads of my thumbs dig into her skin. My lips part and her hot breath fills my mouth. I don't know exactly know what to think except I don't want to stop kissing her. Her left hand grips my t-shirt and the other holds my cheek, our lips moving together in sync.

Our breathing is heavy when we pull away, but not for long. Our lips reconnect and this time my back is against the wall and both of her arms are around my neck. Warmth spreads through me; I have never felt more alive than I have right now. I kiss her with so much need, yet at the same time I am hesitant because who knows where this will lead? Not only in this moment, but afterwards?

Marley pulls away and places a hand on my chest. She looks beautiful right now; blond curls pushed back, lips parted and red, chest heaving up and down. I realize she still is only in her bra, and that makes me want to kiss her senseless all over again.

"I don't want to need you, but I can't help it. I just do, and I am an idiot for it." I breathe, keeping our eyes locked. As much as I wish I hadn't admitted it, those words are true. I need her on some level, even if she is just standing next to me I feel like she can protect me. Really makes me sound like a pussy.

Whatever, I don't care about it anymore. I don't care about the consequences, at least not in this moment. Because right now, all I can think about is how beautiful her smile is.

:-:-:-:-:

Well, what did you think of the first kiss between them? So cute, ugh. I know you've been waiting for that. :)

Ali, x