A guide to the life of death

Chapter 2 Fitting in

I am in the waiting room to heaven/hell (they decide where you go there), I'm trying to explain this to an empty headed angel, I am trying not to loose my temper with her. I actually think that she is trying to make me annoyed, and then when I least expect it, she says,

"Wow... you were sooo good!!! Most people shout at me after 1 minute... you on the other hand, lasted a whole hour!!! That is such a sad story though... you obviously deserve to go to heaven, after what you've been through, and also for that anger test!!" so I say under my breath,

"Oh thank go-"and then I remember that I shouldn't blasphemy in heaven so I change the word half way through "-oodness" and walk up to the beautiful entrance to heaven, when I see a man-

'Hey, why doesn't he have wings/devil horns' I thought, then I looked on my back saw none, 'maybe you have to go through the entrance to get them'

- Anyway, he is running towards the entrance of heaven, and he barges me out of the way; how rude! I think that he must be coming from hell! He gets through the entrance, and I think that that's so unfair; because he can live a terrible life and still get to heaven, when I have to work so hard; when he gets pushed back by some kind of force field, and pulled back to the entrance of hell, it's comical! Then I step through the amazing entrance, and see the mesmerising view of heaven! Wow!!! Then I remember that I should have wings and look, but... they're not there! Then another angel came along, she says,

"Looking for wings? I remember when that happened to me! Don't worry, we'll fix you some, just follow me!" so I did, and we turned up in a white room, and there were so many wings on the wall, and the angel says,

"Pick any one of them, that's why you didn't get one at the beginning, you get to chose!" there are stacks of angel wings, it's amazing and I say,

"How am I going to choose... or... does it choose me; like the wands in 'Harry Potter'" that earned me a laugh. I like heaven, everyone is so kind, I'm not used to it, I'm more used to the robbers and pick pocketers and things, I'm used to London, full stop. I pick a fairly fashionable pair but not too OTT. The angel I am with, says,

"Good choice" so I reply

"Thanks... wait, I don't even know your name, my name is Cecilia, but if you want you can call me Cecil!"

"Oh... I should've introduced myself, after all, I am your guide for the next, well until you get the hang of heaven, anyway, I'm called angel, it's quite funny, isn't it!"

"Yeah, I guess! So, you think these are good?" I say.

"They're great! They didn't have those when I got mine! I can't wait 'til my deathday! You always get a new pair of wings! Or, well what I've heard anyway, I've been here just under a year!"

"Wait, I don't have any money!"

"Don't be silly! You don't need money!"

"Oh yeah!"

"Come on, let's get your wings attached!" angel laughs.

So we walk to the counter and, am I imagining things, or did that man just do a motion in mid-air and now my wings are on?

"W-w-w-what?" I splutter.

"Cool, hey? We all get jobs, his is attaching wings, and mine's showing people around, but I can only do only the people who died at the same age as I did. What do you want to do?"

"I dunno; what can I do?"

"Well, I think you would suit... hmm ... er... um ... watching over people on earth?"

"Yeah! That would be great!"

"But you can't just look after your family I'm afraid. But you can look after them sometimes. To get it, you need to just say the exact words, and then you have a test to show if you can do it well... go on then!"

"OK, so, here goes... can I please have a test for... watching over the people on earth?"

So I wait... and wait... and wait. So I say to Angel,

"Er,"- and then I am in a completely different place!

"Hello, and welcome to the test for: watching over the people on earth."