Sins not Tragedies

2.

I cannot believe this is happening. I cannot believe Carol. She is such a BITCH! That goddamn bitch! I sat at my dresser in my bridal suite, my hairs fallen in a knotted rat tail and my makeup is smeared across my face. I've just realised I'm still in my wedding dress, I should change really, but I just can't face it right now. I cannot face the fact that I am not getting married today, a year of planning, thousands of pounds spent and all the stress. And its all gone, all because of bloody Carol! How could she do this to me? I brought her into our friend group I made her my bridesmaid for god sake. She didn't even know the full story, No body did expect Kayla and me, and yet she goes gossiping to a waiter and ruins my entire wedding. I think I might actually kill her, if I see her right now I may kill her with my bare hands.

God I need a drink, my nerves are shot, I've just sent my brother Maxi to deliver my letter to Thomas. Oh god my poor Thomas, my heart breaks for him a little bit more, the tears start to fall again. I need to stop thinking, I need a bloody drink! But I can't have too much in case Thomas comes to talk, oh god my poor poor Thomas. Right stop it now Honey! I need to get myself together in some small way. I get up and pour myself a large brandy, I've never drunk brandy before in my life but Maxi says its good for shock and well, if today hasn't been one big shock I don't know what is. Taking a gulp of my drink I realise why I've never drunk brandy, it's disgusting, it's burning my throat and making my eyes water. Hopefully a few more drinks will be just enough to stop my brain from buzzing. I take out my phone and text Kayla, my best friend and maid of honour, to see when she's coming back. She's been such a star, after calming me down from hysterical to just destroyed then she went out there and told all 140 guest that there would be a delay in the wedding. Which is frankly amazing considering how impatient English people are, especially my family, as far as I know she is currently talking my parents down from coming to bombard me with questions. I told her under no circumstances did I want to see anybody other than Maxi and her. I love my parents but I cannot deal with answering awkward questions and attempting to explain myself to my no doubt inconsolable mother and horror struck father.

The door opens and I spin around so fast I nearly topple over in my ivory silk Marc Jacobs, my heart is in my mouth until I realise it's just Maxi.

"Did you see him? Did he talk to you? How is he? Is he ok? Do you think he'll come over? Do you think I should go over and talk to hi-"

"Honey stop!" Maxi interrupts me just before I pass out from lack of breathing. "He didn't answer the door, Darryl did, he said he promises he'll give him the letter but..." He hesitates which puts the fear of god into me.

"But what Maxi?! What happened?"

"But he said you shouldn't hold your breath, Thomas is pretty furious right now." Maxi lets out a long sad sigh, it's been such a stressful 2 hours for everyone.

"Oh god" I groan and sink back down on the dressing table, "I bet Darryl has been filling his head with so much crap! He never liked me!"

This is not good, Darryl's Thomas best friend, he hated me from the day he met me. Apparently I turned him down on a night out a few months before I met Thomas. I can't remember this but he swears it was me and has took it as a personal offence that I pick Thomas over him. Like I would be with Darryl even if I had never met Thomas, we're polar opposites.

"Calm down, to be fair to Darryl he seemed pretty upset himself, he sounded like he'd be trying to convince Thomas to come and speak to you. Just give him a few hours to think, he'll come and talk I know it." Maxi comes over and squeezes my shoulders, he sounds so sure and confident, I bury my face into his chest and allow myself a minute of hope, that Thomas will come and we will sort all of this out.

Maxi pulls me away from him and looks me dead in the eyes. "Come on, you need to sort yourself out, you look absolutely terrifying!" He gives a small chuckle and pulls me to my feet, "Go wash your face, run a brush through your hair and change into something more comfortable. I'm going to go find you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry" Which is true I've never been less hungry in my life, even the thought of food makes bile rise up my throat. "But could you please find Kayla? I've text her but I don't know if she has her phone. She's dealing with mum and dad." I wince as I say this just imagining mum's tearstained face. Maxi grimaces but heads for the door.

"Fine, just go clean yourself up I'll bring some food just in case." I give a half sigh, half sob as the door slams shut.

I kick off my shoes and shuffle into the bathroom, grabbing my drink as I pass. I tip the rest of the brandy into my mouth and shudder as it goes down. It really is vile, I don't know how people enjoy it. I swear after today I will never drink brandy again. I lean over the sink I stare at myself in the mirror. Maxi was right I look down right terrifying. Even if Thomas did come over he'd take one look at me and run screaming. My Thomas... no! I shake my head as if it's going to throw the thoughts right out of my head, I busy myself washing my face and pinning my hair up in a some what presentable way. Just as I'm about to walk back into my room I catch a side glance of Thomas's wedding ring on the counter. Just waiting there to Kayla to pick up, waiting for me to put on his finger. Tears blur my eyes and bile burns my throat. I run to the toilet just in time for all the brandy to rush back up and into the bowl. I slump on the floor and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. How did this day go so terribly wrong? I can't even sob anymore, I'm too physically exhausted, I lean and rest my back on the cold tiles, tears sliding silently down my cheeks. All I can think is how did this happen? There's no more avoiding the thoughts, no more distractions. I let them wash over me like a tidal wave, drowning myself in the devastation and misery that has come into my life in the last 2 hours. And just keep thinking how did this happen?