dear harry, love olivia

day seven

dear harry,

as it gets closer and closer, i want to savor every moment with you but sadly, that's not how the world works. i get that you have other friends and i don't, but it hurts when i need you and you aren't there.

my mom came home drunk again today, even though she said she'd stopped. even though she took the money i saved up to use it for rehab. between me and you, i knew she wouldn't use it for rehab no matter how many times she promised she would. it may make me a terrible person and daughter, but i hoped she could use it to get out of the house for three days.

nothing has been the same since my dad left. usually when this kind of thing happens i call you and you pick me up and we go drive because the car is a place where i can just exist without any worries. well, not the car. your car.

but tonight i called and you denied it and i wanted to cry because i knew your phone wasn't dead because it rang and i knew you didn't just not answer because it only rang twice.

so i called again and you picked up and told me to call you back in three hours because you were at a party with your friends. i wouldn't need you in three hours.

my mom told me her life would be a lot easier if i killed myself. that's why i called you. i needed you more than i've ever needed anyone in my entire life and you couldn't be there.

olivia

(p.s. i wrote this 27 minutes ago and the guilt has been eating at me for not putting love before olivia. i love you loads. you're my own little angel.

love, olivia)