What's So Good About Picking Up The Pieces?

Five

Not long after Vic left the room, I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and my head was swirling with regret. I shouldn't have yelled at him the way I did. 

It wasn't Vic's fault that he impulsively decided to let me kiss him; it also wasn't his fault that things went even further than that. I mean, that is what I've always wanted, right? Well, I haven't just wanted the action of it; I've always just wanted Vic in general, in every way. So why was I so upset? Everything that happened between Vic and I in the shower was no one's fault but my own, therefore coming to the conclusion that it was completely wrong of me to yell at Vic. 

I was longing to apologize to him, to tell him that he did nothing wrong, but he was probably already asleep downstairs. Sighing, I swung my feet onto the bed, buried myself under the covers, and attempted to fall asleep.

I didn't know how long it took me to finally drift off, but all I know is that I was already long asleep when I heard a loud noise in my room. I heard a loud BANG, followed by a voice whining, "Ow, fuck!"

When I jolted awake and opened my eyes, it was pitch black in the room and barely midnight. I reached over and flicked on the desk lamp, eyeing Vic up and down. "Um... what are you doing?" I questioned curiously.

He held his hands up in front of his chest and shook his head quickly. "I'm not here to crawl into bed with you, I swear. I just came up here to grab an extra blanket," he answered defensively while walking over to his closet.

I lifted myself up onto both elbows and chewed on my bottom lip. "Um, Vic?" I asked, watching him reach on the very tip of his toes to get a blanket from the top shelf. Funny how he is so short that he can't reach. Though I can't say much, because I'm a good few inches shorter than him. 

He pulled down a dark grey blanket and turned to face me. "What's up?"

I sat up fully and bunched the comforter up in my hands. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

He shook his head and smiled vaguely. "For what?"

"For yelling at you earlier... and for running away from you the first time I saw you... and for avoiding you these past couple days..." I murmured while trailing off into silence. Just when I thought I was doing a good job by keeping my composure and being strong, a few tears fell down my cheek and caught me off guard. As Vic studied my teary eyes, gazing at me with such tenderness, he began to close the space between us. 

He reached his soft hand up to my cheek, cradling my face in the palm of his hand and wiping away my tears with his thumb. "Please don't cry; you're too pretty to cry." Then he eyed my wrists, remembering. "And to self harm, too."

I fidgeted uncomfortably, but I never once looked away. "I'm just... I'm so sorry Vic."

He lifted his arms and encompassed me in such a warm, comforting hug that I couldn't help but feel the whole world stop spinning for a moment. "As for yelling at me earlier, don't be sorry. I totally get it; it's understandable to get mad. But as for running away and avoiding me, can I ask you one thing?" I nodded my head slowly, knowing and preparing my answer for what was coming next. "Why did you do it?"

I exhaled loudly and blew loose strands of black hair out of my face. "I was just too heartbroken to see you again, Vic."

"What do you mean?" he asked, cocking his head.

"I mean, I already told you that I, well, liked you in high school. And Emily totally betrayed me; she sat with me at lunch every day, freshman through senior year, listening to me talk to her about the crush I had on you. And to my face, she would always tell me how she thought you liked me back... how I should have had hope that you would ask me out or something. But then you told me that you liked her, so I told her. And you would think your best friend wouldn't actually turn her back on you and take away your crush? But she did. When I saw her at the reunion, acting like nothing ever happened and asking to find you, I almost lost it. And when I saw you, I literally did lose it. Hence how I passed out in the parking lot, and Mike and Tony found me."