Introvert With Ex's

Chapter 1: how him turned into her

" I might not be straight" the corners of my lips curl , still close to hers tingling in the after math .
" you don't say ?" This is the way we worked , a little out of the norm and not all that safe either . But absolutely necessary. Nothing I'd done with anyone els had felt this way . Anyone els . And my stomach still flips at the thought of leaving was was trusted for so long .

" Amber ? I ugh ... I have to tell you something ." His voice was somewhere between harsh and nervous which scared me more than it should .
" anything " I answered . Not very truthfully . We say a lot of things we don't mean ," I can take it " , "you look good in those jeans " , " no my mother doesn't hate you!" . They're little white lies that hide behind a grey truth . Cause it's not for you . It's never for you , it's always for them . So I said " anything " not so truthfully to put his mind at ease . I wish I hadn't . I wish I said a rude and quick come back that would make him crumble just like I did when I heard him say " I kissed Cassie ." When you're with someone for so long you don't think of them ever leaving . They just kind of exist as a part of you . Evan how ever was surgically removed from my every being . Quickly like a band aid . It still stung .

My finger tips played with the palms of her hands ." Ya I don't know if you can tell cause I hide it really well but I think I just might like girls a little more than normal " I started seeing Avery a couple weeks after the so called surgery . Well okay I saw her a couple weeks after the surgery. There was no real transition from " that girl I keep staring at" to " that girl that keeps on showing up in my bed every morning" . I almost forgot about him when I was with her . Almost . But it was things like a red beeny with a white shirt . I picked that outfit for him for Christmas last year . But now here she was wearing it for him . Not the same really by any means but imagination leads to over simplification of details .

" What the fuck Evan !" The rooms temperature dropped a few degrees.
" She was at the party ! And you weren't and-"
" oh god I'm sorry I didn't know staying in for the night meant you had the right to fuck every girl in sight!"
" I'm sorry !But it's never just one night ! People keep on asking where you are ! You're never out of the apartment ! Ever! I-I know this isn't an excuse Amb but she let me do somethings you wouldn't . You're just so fucking docile!" Amb . I liked that nickname right up until this point.
" Am I being too docile now Evan ? "I can't remember grabbing the mug but the next thing I knew it was on the floor and his eyes grew to the size of the matching saucers . The saucers that matched the bowls which matched the glasses . The ones we picked out together . For our house . I wouldn't say we moved together prematurely.Then again most college students don't move in with their boyfriends and start picking out tea towels . We were different though . We were the high school sweethearts no one doubted would last. I guess they were just as naive as I was .

"So my parents are coming to town on Thursday." My head snapped up to see Avery putting a bobby pin in her hair . I don't know how long I blanked out for but long enough for her to give me that " are you okay ?" Look .
" ugh ya parents , Thursday go on "
" well I was planning on inviting you and them to the Keg ! I know I haven't met your parents yet but we could start with mine and then maybe branch off . Hey! You could invite your folks up and we could have a big barbecue! And maybe after we could -" she was rambling too quickly for me to understand at this point so I decided to stop her .
" Av that's great but ... I don't really do social situations." Her faced dropped and she started fiddling with her fingers.
" oh . Ya that's okay I get it . I'll go and see them alone ." I didn't have the energy to chase after her to say that I just couldn't do anything more than 5 people in one room that I was really close with . Which coincidentally was the reason Evan kissed Cassie that night . I wasn't there to stop it . So I nodded and let her go into the bath room , eyes still fixed on her feet . I rolled out of what used to be our bed . I had washed the sheets so much the thread started to wear at the ends of the fabric . So docile Amb. Why do you have to be so fucking docile ? Too docile for Evan too docile for Sunday barbecue. Too shy to talk in class too socially inept to talk to a cashier WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO INTROVERTED ?! I scream at my self pretty often now of days . There's a lot of things I do that are very easy to yell at .

" So you're telling me to leave just like that ? 5 years and just like that ?!"
" I DONT KNOW ! Evan ! Just .... You can't expect everything to go back to normal after this."he shifted forward and grabbed my hands ,
" Yes we can babe let's just go to sleep and forget it ."

I tried really hard to just " forget it " but that night laying next to him felt so foreign . I couldn't sleep . I couldn't talk to him . And most of all I definitely couldn't touch him. Despite being awake when he was the next morning I lay motionless next to him so he won't confront me . As he went off to class I put everything that was his into bankers boxes . Sports cards , slippers , toothpaste all of it . They were stacked miles high in the living room . And just before I knew he'd be coming home I left for a friends house . When I went back the next morning all the boxes were gone . I won't lie . That left a few tears shed . More than a few . I held my knees up to my chest and didn't look up until my jeans were stained from thigh to calf . More than I few .

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Right so I don't know how long I'll keep up with this story but hey there's the first ( very short ) chapter