I never thought that killing myself would lead me to a life like this. I thought that killing myself would end my pain but all it did was make things worst. My family I had are in tatters. My dad became a drinker, My mom ran off to New York, and my little brother Jacob droped out of school. I never knew that I was the one keeping my family together. Then again I never thought ending my life would bring me back as a ghost. I can see, touch, and hear things and sadly I can't fly. All I can do is just watch as I see how my family, friends, and love ones live there lifes without me. So far its not looking very good.
Why did I kill myself I often ask myself. My answer is simple, I killed myself to escape the emotional pain that I felt after my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, Left me, Got an abortion of my kid and then got pregnet with the guy who she cheated on and left me for. I was seventeen and so was she and I was honestly convinced that I loved her but after everything that happened, I just don't understand how someone could be so cold and as heartless as her.
[Flashback]
I was at a party, A party that I never should of gone too but I was young and stupid in more ways than just one. While drinking beer with my friend Alex next to a fire in an sad attempt to get warm on a cold November night, I saw a white car pull up. I don't know why I looked at it but something told me too. I felt something different about this white car and when the doors came open and saw her face for the first time in my life I had a feeling like I was looking for her my whold entier life. Sadly she the only person that I would ever fall in love with, all because of a razor on a cold November night two years later.
[Reality]
I wake up to a sound of a alarm clock going off next to my bed. I see Jacob reach over and turn it off. The time says it one on the morning. I watch Jacob get dress into some rip baggy jeans and a band t-shirt that I recongize as one of my own. I guess dad gave Jacob all my clothes after I killed myself.
I watch him as he slides on his flip-flops and take a pack of smokes out of his dresser. I follow him out into the living room as he take one of the house keys and walk out the front door. I follow him as he walks down the road turning back ever few minutes to make sure that no one is following him. He walks for a good fifteen minutes untill he standing in front of a fish-heads store while lighting up a cig.
Its sad that to see him like this, I wonder if I didint kill myself that maybe that things would of turn out different for him. Maybe I could of convice him to stay in high school, Hell maybe I could of finished high school.
I see a guy pull up in a brown car as Jacob throw down and step on his cig butt. The door of car opens and a face that I dont reconize as Jacob regular friends says hop in. When he dose, I do too. Walking though people completely unnoice until I'm in the back seat. I hear the door close and then soon after were off.
Driver: Whats up?
Jacob: Nothing much.
Unknown: Your ready to party?
Jacob: You know it bro.
Driver: You better be, Your lucky that Matt con me in to getting you
Jacob: You know it's not a party without me.
Matt: In that case lets get this so called party started (Pulls out a joint, Lights it up. take a hit and passes it to Jacob.
[Flashback]
I remember when I smoked my first joint. I with Alex hanging out at his house. Alex dad was a cool person who smoked pot like it was going out of style. I was 15 when his dad invited me and Alex if we wanted to smoke with him and so we did. One joint turned to two and two turned to four. six hours and 3 bags of Lays potato chips later I was baked as the chips we were eating. I loved the feeling of being high. I felt free and relaxed. It was a great way to just simply escaped the world of all my pain, fears, and doubt at least for awhile.
[Reality]
The car stops and it smells like some hardcore weed in here. Looking around I see three very baked teenagers. As the door opens and everyone gets out. I notice the house that we parked in. It was the same house that I had my very first party and by all the cars that are parked in the driveway it looks like the party is getting good.
