Hit Me...

Danger...

Shayde

This can't be happening. I don't have a mate. Shit. I have a mate. Crappity crap. My mate. He's my freaking mate! That is a perfect a way to meet your soulmate for life. Note sarcasm.

I must be mistaken. I don't have a mate. Yet... I know I'm not wrong. He doesn't know yet, thanks to the diluted wolf's bane masking my scent. That gives me an advantage. He won't know for sure until he can smell me or look me in the eyes. Thankfully neither happened, not tonight anyway. It gives me time to process, to think, to decide. Do I stay or do I run?

These thoughts bombard me on my trek through the streets at night, guided by the light of the street lamps. My temporary apartment is where I have been staying for the past few weeks but, as previously stated, is only temporary. It's where I am headed. For now at least.

As I walk, I mull over the events of tonight. All of which leading me to my mate, which then leaded to him paralysed. I don't know why I did that. Yes I do. He would've chased me otherwise. As much as I don't want to hurt my mate I don't think he quite understands my situation. Heck! I don't understand my situation and its my freaking situation! I am so screwed.

The possible options fly though my mind and several hundred miles per hour, barely giving me enough time to think them. It's times like this when I am glad my human mind can completely collapse yet I can rely on my wolf to control my feet, guiding my body home. That is exactly what just happened.

I am snapped back into reality when I realise I am standing outside my apartment's front door. The dark brown wood stands firm in the silent apartment building. The faux golden numbers, representing fourteen, reflect the little but enough light in the hallway. I fish my keys from my thigh pocket on my khaki jeans. Once I find the right key and unlocked the door, I walk inside. I make myself coffee because there is no point in even trying to sleep tonight. I haven't slept for more than half an hour in years. That's not changing tonight. Especially not tonight. After brewing a steaming cup of coffee just how I like it (Milk, no sugar), I move to sit on the windowsill in my small but comfortable living room. I look out the window. I examine the city like I do everywhere I go, and city I'm in, every night I am there.

The steam from the coffee condenses on the window, leaving a small area fogged up. The various lights contrasting against the dark abyss. From here, in the north western part of the city, I can clearly see the highway that divides the city into North and South. The northern half is more residential and office buildings whilst the southern is mostly warehouses and old factories. This is all surrounded by a dark forest. I have yet to see the forest.

I think about every individual I know exists in this city. When I mentally compare this list to the list of people that know I exist, I find comfort in knowing the latter is a couple thousand smaller.
I am a rumour.
I am a ghost.
A shadow.
I am dead.
I died with the rest of my pack that fateful night and that is exactly why I can't go running into my mate's arms.

I am a monster.
A monster with a past best kept hidden and enemies best kept unknown. For his own safety and that of his pack, he mustn't accept me as his mate. The thought plagues my mind and pains my heart but if he is to remain alive, whoever he is, he cannot know of our true relationship. Even if it means he doesn't know his mate.

A sudden anger overcomes my emotions once the realisation sinks in. I down the rest of the coffee, awaiting the energy. I can feel my anger pulsating in the form of an increased heart beat. Then again that could be the coffee. I walk to the spare room.

It has nothing but a single punch bag in the middle of the room and a few spares. I don't even bother wrapping my hands before I slam my fist into the bag.
Slam.
The chains rattle under the force.
The bag swings.
I punch again.
Again.
Until the bag falls to the ground on impact. I grab another bag, hook it up and repeat the procedure. Thoughts over loading my mind like a battery too powerful for the circuit. These repeats and repeats over and over again until the first signs of daylight peak through the window.