The Setting

Chapter 2

Lauren's POV 

Being in a new city all by yourself can be scary. No familiarity, no comfort or norm in anything you do. Every street is different and new. Going to the grocery store can seem like a total challenge. It's exhilarating and exciting, the adventure, the new experiences, the refreshing feeling of starting a new book to the series of life. But, is also scary. Because even if the surroundings change, you're still entitled to your own persona. Is like throwing a lost puppy to a different house. This can either help it find itself, or lose itself forever. Living free of worries and insecurities, or living afraid and always measuring each step. For me, this is my new fresh start. And I no longer want to be that lost puppy. 

Music has been the first step to my healing process. It has been an anchor in my life since day one. I used to sing and play instruments at church since I can remember. I wasn't a very sociable girl, nor I liked big crowds. I mostly kept to myself. But, when you keep growing up, you are met with social standards and "rules". These usually "define" what is being "normal". And what makes you cool, a freak, nice, mean, awesome, weird, cute, ugly, and even worthy of love and friendship. I mean, everyone deserves to love and be loved right? Apparently not. 

That's why I found shelter in music. There is so much to it. The touch, the feeling, the visual. Someone can portray so much within the combinations of beats, melodies, and poetry. It's outstanding. Music can make you feel and believe in many things.It makes you feel you can take over the world, and accomplish anything. Of course, it can be used negatively. But for me, music is about spreading a same message in every aspect of this world that seems so apart. With cultural, speaking, social, racial, and economical barriers. And that is, the message of love. The message that should always be spread universally. 

Also, is funny how one can talk about love and claim to love people and things. Which is the first mistake, because we can't be entitled to materialistic or superficial things. We claim to know what love is, but don't apply it correctly. And I speak so for myself. I once loved someone very dearly, but now that person is not near me. Hasn't been for some quiet time. I could wonder what I did wrong, but is simple. I didn't love myself. 

That was the second step to my healing process. Admitting my mistakes and wrong doings. It was easier to know what I did wrong and understand why was it wrong, once I admitted to myself that I had an issue. More of an issue, it was an obstacle. And that is, fear. Of rejection, prejudice, loneliness. Which is ironic, since by not loving myself and accepting who I am I was the first person to reject, prejudice, and isolate me. My fear of losing myself outweighed the rest, and it was a wake up call too. I sigh, I wish I could have realized that a few years sooner. 

The third step of my healing process was moving. Leaving everything I once knew behind, and starting over. Now, the only obstacle I have is me. No 'buts' or 'what ifs' are valid anymore. Is me against me, one on one. 

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When I moved to LA, I knew things were going to be hard. But, even if you know it, the realization still hits you hard. I have been here for three months, and things have been shit. Thankfully, I have a job, a shitty job as a barista but is still a job. I made a friend too. Her name is Normani. She was kind enough to help me when I broke down the coffee machine on the first day of work. If it wasn't for her, I probably would be unemployed right now. Normani herself is only working as a barista to help pay off her necessities and such. She is actually a dancer, but like me, is still struggling a bit. 

I came here to start off my career as a musician. After graduating from college of a business degree, I knew it wasn't for me. It was a tough love situation for my parents, since my dad wanted me to be in the family business. But for once, I did something for myself, and moved over here. With some savings I had stored up I made it here comfortably. I have a place to stay at least, but things have been heading for the worst. My job as a barista doesn't pay off to survive here in LA, and I haven't been getting many gigs. I try to keep a positive attitude towards it tho.