Finding The Universe // Michael Clifford

One.

Numbness. The feeling of absolutely nothing had become the constant in my life, every moment forced to fit into a category that it had no connection to. There was never happy nor sad, yet there was an abundance of numb. No amount of pain or pleasure could ever bring me out of this state after trying for years, until I met him. It happened so rapidly that I had no chance to stop myself from the ultimate simplicity of it all, which was the discovery of the vast universe we are all stuck in. I spent every second of my day slowly dying while he kept blooming like a flower at the first dawn of spring. It all seemed unfair to allow myself to struggle while he did nothing but blossom. It had all started on the first day of sophomore year in high school.

"Hello class! My name is Ms. Otey and I will be your English teacher for this semester. I am going to assign project partners tomorrow, write down your name and the name of your wished partner." She says and I let out a soft amount of air fall from my lips. I glanced around the small enclosed room to see nothing but pure walls that kept the contaminated thoughts of us inside of the building, out of reach of the public.

I felt my bottom lip being tugged in between my lips before slowly falling back into place, my eyebrows furrowing as my eyes locked with the green-gray eyes of another. Green had never been my color, but in this moment green had became my favorite shade of any color that existed. I watched as he slowly turned his head to the side and then he let out a small chuckle, standing up from his seat before he began to exit the classroom along with every other of the twenty students.

Heat had risen to my cheeks and splattered across them, making my face a splotched mess of red paint that had spilled and began to slowly set in place. I quickly packed my things away before shaking my head slightly to clear my mind of any thoughts, exiting the room after a few moments of struggling past desks.

"Hey! You are Anna, correct?" I quickly turn around to see the same grassy eyes that had painstakingly changed my favorite color to match the very color I had been staring into.

I stood there dumbfounded for what had seemed like hours, only mere seconds in real time. He looked like he fell out of the storyline from some Disney movie where he would play Prince Charming and rescue the princess that was trapped in some old tower or perhaps too oblivious to realize it was all pretend.

"Um... Yeah! My name is Ana." I managed to whisper with a nervous giggle shortly trailing after the awkwardness that had escaped from my lips and floated freely in the air for anyone to pick up on. The ineptitude of my boring self had managed to reach his ears and he seemed to quickly pick up on the trait, smiling before waltzing off to his next class.

I allowed my eyes to follow his head through the hall until he reached the corner and then my eyes could no longer savor the image of his body. The frown had replaced my smile and I quickly went back to my state of feeling the numbness.

I had gotten the smallest taste of feeling something other than nothing and I knew in that moment that I would do nothing to stop myself from chasing after the boy who could make the lifeless energy turn into something more than any concert could do.

I found myself slowly walking onto my next class with my mind a jumbled mess of ifs and buts but I never once found myself feeling happy or sad with these thoughts running freely in my mind, I had only felt nothing.

"Miss Ana, your seat is not standing in the middle of the classroom aisle with a dazed expression. Please, find your correct seating arrangement." The teacher announced causing a wave of snickers and giggles to erupt from my classmates, who happened to be already in their correct seats. I looked over towards the small desk in the back of the room to see a small woman sat there and I gave her a forced smile before I quickly walked to my seat and then I did as asked, I sat down.

I felt the gazes of my classmates boring into my skull as I allowed my eyes to lock on the large whiteboard that lay perfectly against the walls, which yet again only kept the dirty inhabitants of the our lives away from the public eye.

The whole school had a seemingly prison feel to it, many describe it as hell. After thinking about the thought I have pondered the thought of hell being present in the buildings of schools but I have deemed that school only requires the suffering of human life for eight hours of a day, seven days a week.

Therefore, school is absolutely inconsiderable compared to the unending suffering of life in hell. Today I discovered that life exists only where you wish it to be present. No one can bring life to an object that wishes to be nothing more than an item consuming space, which is where he comes into play.

I decided that I would use the green eyed boy from class to make myself as full of life as he was, hoping that his energy would be transferred into the lifeless day to day life of my own.

"Class is dismissed." The woman announces after the bell and then I repeat the actions of the last class. I scurried out of the class and then I make my way towards the cafeteria with a small groan leaving my lips once I had realized that I had not brought any money to put onto my account.

"Great." I whisper before I make my way into the small table in the back corner of the cafeteria. I take my seat in the chair that was positioned in the corner, my hands resting on the table comfortably. I scanned the room around myself with my lips pursed in a fine line, my eyebrows furrowed together slightly in concentration.

I saw the color I was desperately searching for which caused my mouth to slowly part, words desperately trying to fly from my mouth and over to him. I watched as he smiled and lifted his hand slightly, it was as though he was trying not to seem overly excited.

The color of his eyes had locked me into a trance for seconds before students slowly sat across from him, their backs blocking the color from my sight. It felt like I had just been given a reward only to have it taken from my hands and tossed to the side like garbage. From that point on during the thirty minute lunch, I kept my eyes locked down fixed on the table.

Once the bell had rang and dismissed us I slowly stood up and walked past the table he had previously taken his lunch at. I let out a soft hum as I walked towards my last class of the day, green was absorbing my brain and it had managed to implant itself into every crevice of my memory.

I dashed to my car before I slid into the driver's side and then I let out a shaky breath, shaking my head slightly to try and clear my mind of the color that was ultimately consuming my brain before I slowly came to the realization that I would settle for nothing less that to have the green eyes to myself so that no other human could enjoy life more than I.