I Can Make Your Heart Slow

I'm Not Here Looking For Absolution (Chapter 4)

“I have one problem.” I announced once it had been decided I could sleep on the sofa (I had already sunk into one to sit down and I was pretty sure they were more comfortable than my own bed), as there were only 5 beds. One was a double but none of them suggested it and I felt a little uncomfortable just sleeping next to somebody I’d not known for long. “I’ve got nothing to sleep in.”

Niall looked at me. “You can’t just sleep in your clothes?” He looked genuinely confused. I guessed this was a common boy thing.

“Niall, you try sleeping in a dress and tights.” I told him. “Plus, I’m still damp…”

“That’s what she sa-”

“Louis, no.” I said, but couldn’t help letting out a little laugh. I snuggled into the sofa a bit more but couldn’t help feeling the itchiness of my damp tights.

“Hold on a sec.” Harry disappeared from the room and others seemed to follow suit. They were like a pack of dogs. All 5 reappeared a few minutes later, all of them changed into dry tracksuit bottoms and hoodies. “Here,” Niall offered, coming out from behind the rest of them, “My last clean pair!” He handed me a pair of grey Jack Wills jogging bottoms.

“Thanks, Niall.” I really wasn’t expecting it and I was so appreciative I almost reached out and gave him a cuddle, but I figured it would probably come across a bit…desperate.

“Oh, and!” Harry handed me a t-shirt - apparently his - to which I couldn’t help but beam round at all of them.

“Thanks, you guys.” I just wanted to cuddle them all. I don’t think I’ve ever met such a nice group of boys; and for the first time ever, I was slightly intoxicated and I’m pretty sure they were too…and they weren’t trying to grope me. I was in strange territory.

“Bathroom’s through there.” Harry nodded towards the hall.

When I got back they were lounging about on the sofa and all of them looked tired as hell. They had the television on some old film that I didn’t know the name of and Louis was spread out on the rug in front of it. I was amazed to find them in silence.  I think fate was looking kindly upon me today because there was a comfy looking gap right next to Zayn, which I happily nestled into.

“Are your feet not cold?” He said, looking down at my feet with a concerned look on his face. I hadn’t even noticed that I didn’t have anything at all on them.

“Oh…” I looked down at them. “Not yet. I’ll be okay.”

“No, this place gets freezing sometimes. Here,” He said, shuffling closer towards me. “I’ll sit on them.”

“But what if you fart?!” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and the whole room erupted with laughter.

“Don’t worry, that’s Niall’s job!” Liam assured me. “Feel privileged that Zayn is letting your feet near his perfect bum!” I couldn’t argue with that point. I hastily positioned my feet before he could change his mind and before I knew it the feeling of his warm bum was all I could pay attention to. This was a good idea.

It happened so slowly that I barely even noticed, but somehow Zayn ended up with his head on my lap. I must’ve been engrossed in this film because I was sure that if I had noticed earlier I would have started to privately freak out a lot quicker. However, I didn’t, so here I was trying not to freak out as I looked down at this beautiful human being, oblivious to my silent infatuation with him as he rested his head in my lap. I tried to take deep breaths but realised he would probably notice, so had to scrap that plan. I tried concentrating on the film again, and apparently this worked because next thing I knew I was absent-mindedly twirling a lock of his hair around my fingers. Oh, it was so soft and fluffy and I could just run my hand through it, just once…I stopped myself just before and regained composure, extremely happy that apparently, nobody else in the room had noticed.