Phil or death

The Choice

I stood gazing down as the dark waves struck the rocky cliff-face. My knuckles white as i gripped the rusty,metal railing that was the only thing separating the safety of land and the fall to certain death.How? How had he taken this same plunge without even a second thought?Without even a goodbye? My mind flashes back to Adrian, standing in this exact spot, climbing over the railing and then in the blink of an eye he was gone. No explanation no farewell just jumped. And all i could do is stand and watch as he fell to his death, the jagged rocks, like giants teeth tearing and crushing his body beyond repair. 

My whole body was numb now. The only feeling coming from my heart pounding in my chest. The only warmth from the salty tears scarring my face. Why, Why, Why? I'm so confused,just why? Why did he jump? Funny. Now dealing with his death feels worse than death, it feels like death is now the only solution to my own pain. With this thought in my mind i stepped shakily climbed over that  rusted railing, looking up at the small flecks of light that appeared on the black canvas that was the sky above me. The wind was blowing my messy hair in every direction, i used to hate my "hobbit hair" but recently i couldn't care less. I didn't really care about anything anymore. The cold was like a knife slicing my throat causing my vocal chords to burn so i could barely even whisper "i'm sorry" as i closed my eyes to let go.

"Dan?!" I hear the shout from behind, just as i had the courage to let go all courage drained as the recognisable voice of my best friend Phil reached my ears. "Don't do it!" he yelled as i glanced behind to see those piercing blue eyes filled with tears as Phil edged forward hand reaching out to me."Leave me alone Phil, this is my choice!" I yell, my throat stinging as my voice cracks. I turn away to face the chasm of darkness once more "This is my choice" i whisper as i close my eyes once more bracing myself for what was to come.

Then i felt his warm hands clutching my frozen wrist, soothing the deep cuts there and sending sparks up my arm and over my whole body. "Why?" he muttered. I don't have the gut to turn around and look at him. Why? The same question that ran through my mind only moments ago now comes from my friend, who's in the same position i once was in. I never wanted him to see this to be here. But i guess i never really knew. Why? Why do i want to end my life? Why don't i want to live a life without the only family i had left? No. I guess i finally understand why. Why to Adrian and to me death was the only way out, why slicing my wrist isn't painful but a relief,why i find life to be a waste to be pointless. "because i am too weak to carry on Philly." 

Phil's arms reach  around me as he pulls me back to the safety of land. His warm body wrapped around me holding me tight like his life depended on it. I sobbed in to his shoulder as i finally broke. "I'm here." he whispered, repeating the phrase over and over. I finally pull away to look in to those sad blue eyes underneath that ebony fringe. I couldn't help but pull him in to a passionate kiss. I have nothing left to lose, and to my surprise Phil accepts. Wow. I guess in a way my choice wasn't life or death,but Phil or death. Those beautiful eyes and that inky black hair was my new family.The little fleck of light to my own dark canvas.