Take Your Chances, I'll Take Mine.

Chapter Four

Mornings after crying yourself to sleep always leave your chest feeling heavy or empty, and the two boys had opposite feelings to this. Phil's guilt felt like a rock on his back and a collar on his neck, constricting a little tighter every time he saw Dan. His heart hung heavy in his chest, and it only got heavier every time Dan stared right through him.

Dan felt like a ghost, floating through his day without registering anything. His mind was in a haze, pleasantly blank, and Louise had to say his name five times before he heard her. Phil, on the other hand, was flooded with guilt, guilt not only because he hurt Dan, but also how that reflects on him as a person.

What kind of person just gets so swept up in the moment they say the most cruel thing they can think of? Probably not a good one. And there Phil was, spewing insults whenever Dan opened his mouth simply because that's what came to mind? Why can't he just think before he speaks? Would that even make him a better person? He would still be thinking those things, but merely biting his tongue. But, no. Arguably it's better to spare the other person, not burn bridges, and not be the asshole that everyone already expects him to be. Tearing apart people's arguments, ideas, and beliefs, and letting them flow in the wind, like ribbons, for all to see, it was no wonder why he spent most of his time alone.

Why can't he just follow the pecking order, fit in in some way, instead of completely disregarding it and pissing off everyone who ranks in it at all. Phil spent the day with anchors attached to his feet, only sighing and pointing out when Dan essentially stared at him as he changed into his changed into his clothing, which Dan would adamantly say wasn't because he was attracted or intrigued by Phil, but that he look weird, before he left for the breakfast provided by the hotel.

Dragging his feet down to the eating area, he bumped into Chris. "Oh, hey, Phil."

Phil nodded, grunting a small 'hi' back.

"You okay?" Chris asked, noticing how off Phil looked. Phil nodded, pasting on as convincing of a smile as he could manage.

"Yeah, fine. Why?"

"No reason," Chris said, shaking his head. He frowned. "Where's Dan?"

"He's still asleep," Phil said, walking with Chris up to the breakfast buffet. Chris grabbed a plate and loaded it down, looking at Phil with a raised eyebrow when Phil didn't get anything. Chris didn't say anything, however, and walked over to the table Louise had already claimed, sliding into a seat. Phil sat as well, resting his elbows on the table and putting his face in his hands, taking a few deep breaths. Louise shot Chris a look and Chris shrugged, shovelling pancakes into his mouth. Phil took his hands away, smiling a bright smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"What happened to Dan last night?" Chris asked, looking up from the food on his plate

"Fuck if I know," Phil said with a tone of bitterness, "he came to the room with bleeding knuckles and a pissy attitude."

"And the reason for the two?" Louise skeptically questioned.

"Unbeknownst to me," Phil muttered, looking away. His leg started bouncing and his eyes scanned over the room, looking for something.

Chris gave Louise a look. Drop it, he said with his eyes. Louise nodded, still eying Phil like she wanted to say something else

Observing the two of them, Phil sighed, "He told me nothing. I tried, but nothing."

"Really?"

"Scouts honour, not that I was ever a scout." Phil chewed his thumbnail. "He's still in bed, asleep."