The Boy Upstairs /tronnor/

nineteen

Troye

The next few weeks go by in a monotonous blur. I'm declared bedridden on New Years Day, just a week after Connor dies, and all I can do is laugh about how ironic it is. The therapist that is there when they break the news says my laughing is just a way of coping. I say it's just a way to make light of how shitty the world has treated me in my few years on Earth. 

People come in the first four days after Connor dies to see his body and talk to doctors. His parents barely come around. His mother brought me cookies once, and asked me if I had made up my mind on the donation of Connor's lungs. I had told her that no, I hadn't made a decision yet, when really I had. I just didn't want to hurt her.

I didn't want them. I really, truly didn't want them. I knew my time was close. Organs had already begun to shut down, I was slowly losing use of my legs. There was no point in getting some new lungs so I could breathe okay until I eventually died because the cancer spread to other places. Besides, there were other people totally more deserving of them.

At night, he comes to me in my dreams. It's nice to see him again; to see his warm smile, his face full of color and full of life. His smile, just as bright as it was after the first time we had kissed. His voice singing like wind chimes, calling my name every night. Every night, the dream ends the same. He tears up, reaching his hand out and begging for me to come with him. One night, I actually grab his hand, and I am jolted awake by doctors freaking out over my lungs filling with liquid once more, poking and proding me while I cry because I want, no, I need Connor. 

His funeral is on January 15, which is a bit later than the common funeral is. We discover that the reason it took so long was because his grandmother grieved herself to death. They wanted to do her funeral first.

I'm sitting at Connor's funeral with Jackie and Tyler beside me, holding Jackie's hand tightly as tears spill from my eyes. Every once in a while, the sun shines in, brighter than ever before. I can't help but smile, knowing Connor's with us. The funeral ends in a prayer for Connor to be happy and healthy up in heaven, and then Jackie, Tyler and I depart back to the hospital, where I get back in bed and I cry just like I do every day.

I end up crying myself to sleep, and I see Connor standing in front of my bed, looking gorgeous in the black suit he was just buried in. 

"Hi, love." He smiles at me, his voice giving me goosebumps.

"I miss you." I chirp out, my voice sounding healthy and not gravely and dead like it does when I'm awake.

"I miss you too. Come with me."