"two more on the rocks please"
the waiter gave me a startled look as he left my table, it wasn't the happy hours and it was my 12 glass I'd be burning down my throat, but I liked it.
I liked how it caused the jittery sensations along my windpipe, like there's a noose tied around it and someone's pulling it from both the ends while it forces molten lava down, it hurt, but I liked it.
"all alone by yourself, eh, big one?"
"not like you're blind"
"you got a mouth, I like it", she grinned while resting both her palms on the table.
"if you can see that"
She smiled and sat across me on the bar-stool. Damn no, I don't want a conversation, not right now.
"I know you, Parth right? This 17 year old in my neighborhood is a huge stuck up on, there are posters of you all over her walls; she told me you were this love struck guy-"
"STOP TELLING ME ABOUT MYSELF, WILL YOU? I know me, I know my damn life! I know which fucking role I played and what it got me, I know it"
"sweetie, sorry but you don't"
And with that, she left the table. What did she mean by I don't? she was just a random girl whose neighbor liked me bad, and she won't know more about me than myself. UGH.
Parth, breathe. You cant have someone you just had a conversation with get better of yourself. I picked the glass up from my table and downed the liquid. I didn't like the sensation anymore.
She, she was tall, she had golden-brown hues going down her caramel colored hair, she wasn't fair but I liked it. The dusky, not exactly, ugh how do I explain the color of her skin, it was just so beautiful. Her hazel brown eyes had a deep curve to them, like they were a part of a dimly lit specter and the shining were reflecting the far hidden glee back, they seemed as if they were a book, a transparent tablet with words of wisdom carved over them, people could read through them, read her.
I looked at her just for a fraction of a second and it seemed like I knew her, I read her through her eyes, she was just like a beach on a sunset.
Serene. Pure. Raw.
Parth, enough. I told myself. My thoughts stared wandering again of her parting line. Sweetie, sorry, but you don't.
Maybe yes, I didn't know myself. Five years I had been in Mumbai and I could never seem to find peace in whatever I did, I was an actor, it was my profession to be someone else, I was just like water, I shaped myself whatever shape they wanted to, whichever mould they put me in. I left behind a secured life, family to settle in this unknown place to, act. I always found it fascinating, I knew I could don a smile even when inside, I was breaking. I liked it, I liked it how we get so carried away with the notions of masking, how many of us know there will be no Raj waiting for us with a mandolian in a mustard field, singing to dawn. Or that there'll be no Christan Grey who never knew what love was, fall for one of her submissive's because she would not go by his rules. So, why? Why do we still love them?
Memories from today morning come down to me, I drove to a supermarket to buy myself some weed beer, it's the best of all available, too raw to taste and too little alcoholic to get high. I could easily replace water with it. I got a rack of them with me last week, but karan came down for his birthday, and feasted on my expanse. I would not tell him no, he was the only one I'll never turn down, and it was his birthday.
