The Ones That Got Away

Feel the awkward! Feel it!

Oh, God. It's like you can feel the awkward. Sam keeps smiling at me and Henry won't look at me. What the hell did I do to Henry?! He's acting like I did something wrong. He's the one who kissed me. Ugh, men. Laura's never looked at me and Henry so much. It's like she's waiting for something. Now we're all sitting at lunch, quietly eating and not making eye contact. This isn't awkward at all. It's Friday, two days since what happened at my house. None of said anything yesterday either, and we didn't go to Laura's yesterday (even if we wanted to, she wouldn't let us. She's just as upset and confused as the rest of us are.)

There's a loud clang as Laura angrily drops her fork on the plate. "What the hell is up with you guys?" She points at three of us. "First," she points at Sam. "You start being douchey. Second," she points at Henry. "You haven't said a word to Sam, your best friend, in, what, is it two days now? And third," she points to me and Henry. "Somethings not right between you two. I want to know what's going on and I want to know now." Henry and Sam glare at each other. I let out a frustrated sigh and explain what I know to Laura.

"You and Sam kissed which upset Henry because he's liked you for a while, and on Wednesday Henry kissed me in front of Sam for revenge. Which isn't cool, by the way. Then after Henry left Sam kissed me and said that this time it's not for revenge, and I've known you people for a week, I will not be victim to cliche." The words rushed out of my mouth so quickly I don't know if she could understand me. Apparently, all of them understood because in perfect unison Laura turned to Henry and Henry turned to Sam and said "YOU WHAT?" Sam looks at his bare wrist pretending there's a watch on it. "Oh, look at the time! Gotta go to class, BYE." He couldn't have left any faster.

"YOU WHAT?" Laura asks Henry again. "I..." He stutters. I look between them, I need to get out of here, give them space. "I'm just gonna GTFO now." I blurt out, then I leave just as fast as Sam did. As I'm walking away, I turn around to look at Laura and Henry. Laura's moved to sit next to Henry and Henry's looking down at his food, his jaw not moving, not giving Laura an answer. I want to go tell Henry to answer Laura, but I just keep walking.

----

I'm the only person in the classroom right now. Which is good, because I need to have a quiet conversation with myself. "Oh, God." I start, barely loud enough for me to hear myself. "I've been here a week and already managed to mess up other people's relationships." I look out the window at the rain beating down on the sidewalk. The weather's casting a gray glow on everything, it's both beautiful and depressing. "Rome, why do you always have to mess up wonderful opportunities? They were willing to be your friend." I rest my head on my arms on my desk and keep looking out the window. "All I do is mess up."

"Hey." Says a quiet voice from the door way. I look up to see Henry walking over to me. I rest my head on my arms and look at the window again. "Hey." I reply. "I, uh, just wanted to say sorry." He stands right next to me as he says this, towering over me. "For what?" I ask still not daring to look at him. "For kissing you. I shouldn't have kissed you." He answers. I look up at him now, he looks like it hurts him to apologize. "I shouldn't have let you." I tell him. "I shouldn't have let you kiss me... but I did. I let Sam kiss me, too." Henry just looks at me, a mixed look of confusion and hurt on his face. "I'm the constant in this equation. Maybe I'm the problem." I finish, then look out the window again. Henry sits in the chair in front of me and sighs. Not a single word is exchanged for the rest of class.

----

They say silence has a meaning. What I want to know is WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THE STRANGE SILENCE BETWEEN ME AND HENRY? Does it mean we broke the relationship we had? Does it mean he's mad at me? Because I'm not mad at him. I made a mistake, too. Is there some sort of friendship glue I can buy to put our pieces back together? I miss what we had, what had changed so fast. I miss joking around and laughing. I miss our talks, how whenever I talked he would listen and whenever he talked I would listen. We messed up what we had before. I know silence isn't the way to fix it, but what am I supposed to say?

We didn't talk to each other again on Friday, and no texts have been sent to each other so far this weekend. I want to talk to him but maybe we need space. Henry's my closest friend here, I know I need to try and keep him. I need him more than he needs me. Without Henry, I have Sam and Laura. But Laura doesn't like me, and things between me and Sam are weird.

Sam was never easy for me to talk to, and it's even worse now. I've always felt nervous around Sam, like I'll say something wrong and he'll disappear. Then he kissed me and everything got like twenty times harder. Now all we communicate is awkward smiles. I guess there's silence between us too.

I can't handle this. I need to talk to Henry. I don't want to lose friends already. I pick up my phone and quickly send him a text:

Meet me at McDonalds in 10 minutes. Need to talk.