mr. badboy

Part 41

"Anyway, you wouldn't understand."

"Hey, peach, I get it. You want to prove that you're still a catch or cool or whatever on your own and that it had nothing to do with that tosser. But these people...they don't matter. Nothing that happened in high school matters. That was a different world, a different planet. It doesn't matter who you ate lunch with back then or what your nicknames were. Like it or not, act like it or not, but you're an adult now. You're almost finished university. You're living in a great place with an older roommate and getting all these life experiences you can't buy. You're being you and you're doing your thing...and you happen to be a motherfucking bestselling author with a huge career in front of her, as well as one hell of a paycheck."

I put my hand on top of hers and squeeze. "And you've got me."

She rolls her eyes.

"No," I tell her, my voice rough. She blinks at me in surprise. "I mean you really have me. If you'll have me."

She worries her lip between her teeth, staring at me with wild eyes. I don't know what she's thinking but I need her to say something, anything, because for the first time I'm putting my heart on the line here and I have absolutely no idea how she's going to take it.

I look back to the road, turning off on the exit that leads to the winery.

The silence is too thick.

"I got an email from Rachel," I tell her.

"What?" she asks, her voice sounding raw. At least that got her attention.

"Yeah, this morning. Strange timing considering."

"Considering what?"

"Heath and I were talking about her last night."

"Oh," she says, her voice becoming small. She looks away out the window again. "What did she want?"

"She wants me back."

She stiffens, her fingers paused before they go back to playing with the pleats in her dress. "I see."

"She said that she made a huge mistake, that she regrets cheating on me. Her own heart was broken, karma, of course, and she knows the pain I went through. Apparently I was the only loyal, dependable thing in her life, if you can believe that." I let out a caustic laugh. "She said she still loves me with all her heart, that she never stopped loving me and wants a second chance."

My eyes keep darting between the road and Amanda. She's gripping her dress, her knuckles going white, but she won't face me.

"Are you going to take her back?" she asks quietly. "Try long distance again?"

The fact that this so obviously bothers her is like a tonic to my soul. It means she has to care.

"Do you think I'm going to take her back? Do you think I'm still in love with her?"

She shrugs with one shoulder.

"Amanda," I say, grappling for the words. When I don't say anything else, she slowly turns her head to look at me. Fearful. Hopeful.

"I told her it was too late," I admit. "I told her I didn't love her anymore, because I don't. That ship sailed a long time ago. And I told her I wished her the best of luck but the truth was, I've met someone else." I give her a faint smile, aware of everything riding on this. "You."

"Me?" she repeats, her voice barely audible.

"I didn't mean it as a work partner. I didn't mean it as someone I'm casually sleeping with. I meant in a completely jumping the gun, getting ahead of myself, answering for you when I shouldn't, I want you to be my girlfriend kind of way. She doesn't have my affection, my future or my heart. You do, Amanda. You do."