Another day I live caged inside. The cage only makes my anger and hatred grow deeper. I despise everyone I've every laid eyes upon. They always stare at me with such judging eyes. Some fear me, yet others just plain hate me. Even when I do manage to break free, I trust no one. It's hard to trust in a world where no one likes you and everyone pitches in to put an end to you.
I am Calienia Moonsilver, yet I am not at the same time. I remember when I was first born. I had parents, siblings, I had a family. I remember doing bad things that got me punishments, but I remember when I first grew wings. My family had tried to kill me when they knew of my tainted heart. The betrayal and anger built up and my wings went black.
I couldn't stop myself from killing them. At that moment I split into and fought with the good side of me. I then began to hate myself. When I died, I was reborn as a new person. Yet deep in the back of my mind I remembered my past self. I had been hunted by my friends this time, and I broke free and killed them once more.
Even though with this dark side, me, being caged up in the background. Even with the good side of me always showing. I can not truly trust anyone. I am hated, hunted, betrayed always. No one understands the pain of being born hated over and over and over again. I am born hating myself even. When I break free and kill the innocent, it's because I'm jealous of them.
Born to be free, born to be loved. Born to be human. I want everyone to experience the pain and suffering I always feel. The only moment of joy I know is killing and watching my victims blood scatter the room. But even then all I feel is pain. I've been killing so long that there is no saving. I'm stuck in my own eternal hell.
I'm still looking for the day I become whole once more, and I can trust and love. Maybe even learn to love myself again. Everyone looks at me like I'm a demon, but their cruelty towards me made me this way. For example, in this new life I am known as Calienia. I can't forgive the people who looked at me with hateful eyes... The people who ran away scared or the people who said I wasn't good enough to be a ninja.
Every fool I grow close to dies around me. Can I trust no one to be by my side till MY last breath? They may see my white wing or me wingless and still think of me as a friend. But once they see my black wings I'm suddenly an enemy? I'm nothing but evil? All I hear is 'We're sealing you' or 'Give us back Calienia you monster'.... I am Calienia. I can't even look at my own reflection, say my name, and notice it as my own.
So I have given myself a new name to carry with me for all eternity. I will be Dawn. The darkness that wishes to turn to light and start a new. Like dawn I want to rise into this world and have the people know my true colors! But no one is awake at dawn anymore. So I'll wait for that one person who is, who greets me with a smile rather than a tired glare.
Is it so hard to tell me hello? How are you? Or maybe even.... What's wrong? Why are you crying?
Inside after all these years of misery and pain, that's all I feel. I stopped caring for the lives of others. I will never find someone who can be my friend, not just the friend of Calienia, but the friend of me, of all of me. It doesn't matter. I will always be the dark, the hate, the nothing. I will continue to kill and try to break free to shed more and more blood.
No one can stop me, for no one,
truly know me.
