Drowning: A Short Story

Drowning

Drowning

      My breath is caught in my throat. The world around me seems to blur into one static screen that resembles the tv when you hit the wrong button on the remote. Taking a deep breath doesn't seem to calm me. In reality, it just makes tears burn at the back of my eyes. Calm, I tell myself, just take a deep breath and calm down.
      This was just supposed to be a basic assignment for my speech class. So why is it that I feel my heart pounding against my rib cage? Deep breaths and counting backwards from ten won't help me, or at least, that's how it seems.
       The whole class stares at me with the beady eyes of an eagle searching for its prey. The boy in the back of the class offers me a thumbs up for encouragement, and I am thankful for his effort. He is well aware of how much I need the reinforcement. But, then again, the reminder that my crush is watching me as I sweat under everyone's intense gaze makes me shiver. It feels like someone is dragging an ice cube up and down my spine, and sadly, I have no towel or blanket to help me.
        In the front of the room, my closest friend in this class smiles at me. She offers me a wink and it finally hits me. I have been standing up here for two minutes now and a single sound has yet to leave my mouth. I cough uncomfortably. Most of the class, besides my bestie and my crush, appear annoyed by my wasting of their time.
         I need to say something. My eyes dare to sneak a glance at my teacher, and I see him writing something on a piece of paper. It looks like scribbles from where I stand. Shoot! I think, I'm so failing this.
         Talk me, talk! I demand to myself. And from somewhere inside of me I find my voice.
         "Hello." The word sounds like I'm gargling salt water as I speak. I sound as if I'm choking. And honestly, I wonder if I am. The heavy feeling of something on my chest is slowly suffocating me as I sink into a watery abyss of my own thoughts and imagination. Funny, huh? Before I entered the classroom I was so ready. My speech is incredible. In my opinion, it is good enough for a professional speaker to use. Though, I am far from a professional speaker. For me, speaking in front of people is probably my biggest fear. Compared to others, speaking for me is like running from a creepy faced clown that's inviting you to follow him into the woods.
          Continue speaking. I need to continue speaking. "So, when we were told to write a speech about something we regret, I instantly knew what I was going to write. And, I can see that I am doing a very poor job of saying the speech I wrote. Though, the contents of my speech are still very important." I breathe in a breath that feels like I'm underwater, trying to inhale when there is no oxygen to breath. Try to breath again, I tell myself. I shakily release the awful breath I previously took. "Anyway, so in my life, what I regret more than anything else is having waited. I've always heard that saying, 'life is short', and I believed it but I still thought I would have more time."
       As I spoke, my confidence rose, but I still felt like I was breathing in molasses. A few years back, I read about a bunch of people who drowned in molasses. I think that's how I feel at the moment. Like I am drowning in a pool of molasses. "You see, I never met my father. Well, I guess in a sort of messed up, impossible to remember way, I did. He left shortly after I turned one. I've never seen him since. Anyway, my whole life, I've desperately wanted to meet him. See what he would say. See if he left, not because of me, but for some other reason. It's not like I believed that my hopes would come true, but I still hoped."
       Some people now stare at me with a curious gleam in their eyes, while others appear the be on the verge of falling asleep. "So, I told myself that I'd meet him one day. Maybe after I turned eighteen. Maybe after I graduated highschool or college. I regret waiting. Why? Because now, my father is gone. Last year my mom received a call late at night. It was a close friend of my father's calling to tell her the news that would completely shatter me." I sigh heavily before sneaking yet another glance at my teacher. He seems to be intrigued but it's hard to tell. It's always been hard to read that man. "He told my mom that my father was murdered in his own home. I won't get into the details of the murder, but it hurt a lot. The realization that I would never get to meet my father, never say hello, never tell him how I did in school, felt like a bomb exploding in my heart,. Everything that I never got to do would remain that way. They would be hopes that never had a chance to be realized. Or, I never gave them a chance to be realized."
         "This world does that to us sometimes. It takes things away that you never imagined could be taken. The world is cruel and cold and it can give repercussions for actions you did or actions that were left as ideas." The tears that had been burning behind my eyes are now on the brink of falling. But I do all I can to suppress them. "So, what do I regret? I regret being a victim of the world's ways. I regret waiting till it was too late. I regret not changing my ways even after what has happened."
        I stop. I missed a lot of my speech, but if I made the speech any longer I would have broke down. Most of the people in my class clap a little. The teacher has a small grin on his face. I can't tell if it's because he found my struggle amusing or if he feels proud of his student. Like I said before, the guy is hard to read.
       I bow my head slightly before walking back to my seat. I did a good job, right? My bestie looks over to me, whispering, "good job." If I did such a good job, then tell me, why do I feel like I'm drowning? Why do I feel worse now than when I stood in front of the class?
       I hear the bell ring, signaling the end of class, but my legs don't move, and I don't stand. My teacher walks over to my desk and taps on it lightly with his index finger.
       "I know that was difficult for you. But, you did really good. I'm proud of you. It's always a happy day when a student steps outside of their way comfort zone and does even better than expected." He says, and he's smiling down at me. "But, you can calm down now. You're done. You gave your speech. You can relax now. And about your regret, you were wrong about something." I look up at him, confused. "You aren't still making the same mistake. You proved that today by standing in front of everyone and facing your fear. Instead of waiting to do that, you just got it over with. And you are no longer a victim of the world. I doubt you ever were. You're just facing hurdles. All of us face them, and yours may be a little bit more difficult than others, but you're not alone."
      I grin down at my desk. He starts walking back towards his fancy teacher desk. "You might want to hurry to your locker. Don't want to miss the bus."
       I nod before waving goodbye to my teacher and heading to my locker.
       I still feel like I'm drowning but I also feel like I'm flying.

Author's Note:
Heyo! Ello readers of wattpad and Drowning! I must say, I am thrilled to those of you who read my short story and to those of you who are now taking their time out to read my author's note! So, Drowning is my first short story here on wattpad and from here on out, I'm positive that I will only be posting short stories. All of my novels I will be writing and I will be getting legitimately published the old fashioned way. I'm actually working on the publishing process right now with my first ever novel (which is pretty impressive considering I'm sixteen [birthday was on the second of October! Woot Woot! {yes, I said 'Woot Woot'}]). But I don't know if my short stories are really good enough for legit publishing so I'm just posting them here. But I still hope you enjoy! Follow, add to your library, just read the dang thing. Whatever floats your boat! I guess I'll be off! See you soon with another short story!

P.S ~ yes, I know that this was a very, very short story, but it really couldn't be any longer! Sorry!