Missed Chances

0.1 Knitted Bonnet Memories

Shit. Where is it!? I asked myself while looking for my green knitted bonnet. I remember leaving it here. Somewhere here.. Urgh! Dammit.

Giving up, and grabbing my hoodie instead, I walked out of my room and headed for the main door of my family's rented flat. I turned my keys and as if I walked right into a portal to another dimension, I remember that I threw away that knitted bonnet just right before we moved in our new apartment.Ah, right, I thought. Why do I keep thinking that I still have it, then?

Why do we persistently look for lost things? Why do we hold on to things we know aren't there anymore? Why do we keep looking for them as if it will reappear again saying, Hey! I'm just here. When in actuality, we decided that we didn't need them anymore. That we decided to throw them away. Do we actually miss the presence of it? Or the memories it bring?

What difference does it make, I asked myself. Now, that I remember that I threw it away, I'll try to remember that I don't have it anymore. That I don't really need it, that's why I threw it away. I am trying to reassure myself. Or maybe I am in denial.

I walked in H&M to get myself a couple of socks. And I saw a knitted bonnet, similar like the one I threw out. I walked past it. Did not look back.

Socks, that's what I'm here for. Socks.

Yup, 5 pairs would do. That'll be enough. I got a few more at home.

I walked to the cashier with socks on hand. I passed by the bonnet, the one I thought I didn't need. My walk slowed down. Biting my lip, I looked back at the bonnet, turned around, and took it. It's getting cold, a bonnet wouldn't hurt. It'll be warmer than this hood, that's for sure.

I paid for my socks and the bonnet, and walked out the store.

There was so many memories in the green knitted bonnet I threw away. This new one, it doesn't have any. Not yet. But it will. I missed having to cover something with my head. I guess it was the presence that I missed. The memories? Not so much. That's why I threw the green knitted bonnet. The memories were too much to bear.