A Different Sort Of Healing

Defence Against the Darks Arts Healing

Lily's POV

It is a few weeks since James found Lily in the middle of a nightmare of the death of her parents.

When Lily woke up, she was in James's room.  She had been in there countless times.  When Lily and James got into a fight, occasionally, Lily would unknowingly storm into his room instead of he own.  It was a better way for them to work out their problems because James would lock her in the room until they figured out the problem.

This time, it was not like that.  She was adamant about keeping this to herself.

"I'm fine," she would say when James asked.  He never believed that, but she never gave up trying to convince him.

"That was the first time that happened." Even as she said it, she could hear how unconvincing she sounded.

This would go on every time he checked on her, which was every chance he got.  He got impatient, so he did what ge  best.  He annoyed Lily to the point she stormed away.

Lucky for James, she went to his room once again.  This time it wasn't like it used to be.  Lily didn't want to talk this time.  So she didn't.  At all.

James kept trying to confort her, saying that it wasn't her fault her parents were dead until she finally exploded.

"STOP SAYING IT WASN'T MY FAULT!  YOU WEREN'T, JAMES.  I COULD'VE - SHOULD'VE - DONE SOMETHING.  I stood there and watched," she said, tears welling up in her eyes again.  Her strength and stubborness gone.  "They fought so well, you would've thought they prepared for this.  I was so close to getting them out, James, there were two left.  Then their arms started burning and they just Avada'd them like ut was nothing, then Apparated.  I was so close."  She whispered.

James walked over to her as she cried.  After that, Lily didn't hesitate to go to James when she wasn't having a good day, or when she was having a nightmare.

During school, Lily was a little more alive and attentive and strong.  Her friends asked her constantly if she was okay, but she only shared when she was in the mood and that wasn't alot.  Only James knew what went on when she was alone, and she wanted to keep it that way.

Today, Lily is dreading her Charms class.  They are looking at Patronuses and testing them.  She knows she won't be able to cast the charm, no matter hoe good she is at the subject.

This particular charm is not about talent, it is about using happy memories to cast a Patronus.  A Patronus is an animal that is full of happiness tbat protects you from Dementors, which eat away at your happiness and leaves you with a feeling of emptiness, and deep sadness.

But she has to do it.  She has to prove to herself that there us something to fight for.  If there isn't, how is she supposed to make it the day without feeling like giving up.

She walks into the classroom and sits down.  James site next to her and Marlene and Alice sit next to her.  Dorcas, Remus, Sirius, and Peter sit behind them, chsttering away as Lily stares blankly away.

"Hey Lils, you okay?" Sirius asks.  Everyone's eyes swing to her, trying to see if she will open herself more than she usuall does.

They are not disappointed.

Lily snaps out of her daze.  "Yeah, just not really looking forward to this lesson."

Everyone knows Lily loves Charms, but it also doesn't take a genius to realize that this lesson is going to be hard on her.

Before anyone can reply, Professor Flitwick walks into the room, calling for silence.

"Okay, today we will be learning about the Patronus charm.  Can any one tell me what that is," his sqeaky voice inquires.

The class went like this for a little until Professor Flitwick dismisses them to pratice the shield charm.

As the class moves, Sirius walks up to Lily and asks, "Hey, Lils, you sure you up for this?"

Lily smiles at his consideration.  "Yeah.  I'm sure I can do this," trying to convince herself.  "I'm Lily Evans, charms extrodinare."

Sirius and Lily share smirks.  "Glad to know that Miss Lily Evans is as egostical as always."

Lily rolls her eyes.  This light-hearted banter with Sirius was a nice distraction from the worry of whether or not she actually could produce a happy enough memory to make even a wisp of the Patronus.

When the class is in a circle, students immediately start trying to conjure their happiest memories.

Lily tries not to think if them.  She thinks of when Petunia and her were playing the swings the day before Lily officially  meets Snape.  Doesn't work.  She tries thinking of when she first got her Hogwarts letter.  Doesn't work.  She tries to think of when she first told her parents about Hogwarts her first year during the hols.  This only achieves in maker sadder to think that she won't be able to share more of her life with them.

After fifteen minutes of pure torture - because she keeps thinking of her parents - Lily let's out frustrated groan and hangs her head to try and clear it without giving away how much it emotionally hurt to do this.  She doesn't want to show any weaknesses because one weakness is a way to break someone, especially someone of her blood type in this time.

James, noticing that Lily is no longer trying to cast the charm and her shoulders are slumped and face hidden from the rest of the class, studies Lily's face between the strands that doesn't completely hide her face.  He sees the obvious frustration and anger, but sees past the facade and knows she's in pain.  Constantly thinking of her parents because they were in so many of her happiest memories.

James walks over to her.  "Lil?"

Lily looks up.  "Yeah," trying to compose herself.

"Do want me to help?"  He has gotten it already, knowing what his Patronus would be and knowing what his happiest memory is.

She considers turning do his offer, but knows she won't be able to get it otherwise.

She nods her head.

James nods back then thinks.  "I want you to tell me the happiest memory you first think of.  No matter what it is, just say it," he requests.

Immediately, she knows what it is.