Fools on Parade

1. Ivy

New beginnings, new resolutions and new dreams. New everything, she thought. After moving house in December and spending christmas driving around in moving vans it was nice to see new year out in one place, her own area. she watched as the rain pattered at the musty window in the dimly lit attic room- a few fairy lights were lamely strung up in one corner over a soft mattress, pastel duvet spilling over on to the floor. the last remaining cardboard boxes were piled against the door and a battered rucksack on the hardwood floor completed the somewhat melancholy scene. her school uniform was draped over the arm of a knackered chair, ominously waiting to be put on. she had been staring at it since four o'clock this morning, waiting for her alarm to tell her she could get up.

school was starting and she was Not Prepared - the crowded corridors, the introductions, where to sit, being 'cool'. It wasn't her,and it never had been. Fitting in wasn't a strong point- she was 'Different' and needed 'Special Attention'. With any luck, she could blend in, avoid contact. A lonely school year was better than name calling, unwanted attraction and the rest- no. she had considered it; maybe it wouldn't be so bad, would be Different This Time. Make nice friends, attend some clubs maybe.     

5:20

she remembered thinking all this very clearly- it had been a Good Day, no problems at all, and she was feeling the closest to happy she had in a long time. headphones in, no one to be seen nearby and a wintery breeze rustling by her feet. She knew she was moving soon, knew there was an opportunity for a fresh start. When she was little, she had had lots of friends, and remembered going to their houses, and having dinner at their kitchen tables, and playing in their gardens. but she also remembered that little children can be so cruel, turning against each other without hesitance or mercy. bitterly, she remembered being the Odd One Out- her best friend picked fun at her for her shabby clothes, isolated her, called her names, and soon her other friends weren't allowed to see her anymore either, for fear of being ridiculed in the same way. It was very easy to isolate someone, easy to empower yourself through bringing down those around you- It just took the knowledge of how and when to manipulate people, she had noticed.  

5:35

She was good at noticing things- she noticed the tremor in her uncles hand when he was drunk, noticed her mothers change of voice before she cried, and noticed her brother smoking in his bedroom when all the lights were off and the house was asleep. Her life was a goddamn cliche and she was sick of it. the worst bit was, if it continued like this, then she would never escape the life that lay ahead- no, she would be a teen pregnancy statistic on a council estate and nothing more.   

5:40                                          

Reaching over to the stack of boxes, she pulled out her old school year book, and absent mindedly flicked through the pages, glancing at the titles every now and then- Best hair, Class Joker, and the like, all the same dull titles of mediocre achievements celebrated by those who weren't academically talented enough to be recognised for anything else positive. her old town seemed so far away from here- it was only, what, two hours drive, but she couldn't work out wether or not she wanted it to be closer or further away. On one hand, it was reassuring to see the same street corners, know the same people, and belong- but those streets held bad memories and the people were Not Very Nice. Here, it was different. though Grubby street corners were found everywhere, and teenagers will never change, it was extremely disconcerting when she noticed that although grubby street corners existed in this new countryside village, here there weren't just a bins and a few kids smoking, there were five different 'disposal areas' and instead of kids smoking or selling little bags of Cheap Stolen Weed there were old people reading, or playing chess, and selling flowers.