Never good enough

Never good enough Part 1

(Very quick side note, listen to the music at the top while you read it)

Waking up was a struggle every. single. day

Yow were so fortunate for everything you had:

A loving family; Lots of friends; A decent, respectable reputation; A house; Money and A boyfriend who was the member of a famous boy band

You weren't really sure how such a Handsome, Smart, Perfect man could love someone like you.

It took a while for Jungkook to notice what was up with you, it all started when you stayed round his dorm one night.

You left your phone on their kitchen counter, unlocked. Jungkook browsed your messages to your friends, he saw all the nasty things you were saying about yourself to your friends:

"I don't deserve Jungkook, I'm a useless, fat, nobody"

"I deserve to die"

"I'm so fat and Ugly and Stupid"

"You would all be better off if I were dead"

"I'm a waste of Oxygen and Air"

It broke Jungkook's heart to think that you were so harsh to yourself. But he said nothing to you.

Next Jungkook found dieting pills in your bathroom cabinet:

You were ill and Jungkook had come round to take care of you. "Where do you keep the medicine" Jungkook said. "They are in my bathroom cabinet". Jungkook looked through all of your cabinet to try and find the medicine. He finally found it but knocked everything on the floor. " Are you alright Jungkook? You better not have messed up my cabinet. " Jungkook quickly shoved everything back in the cabinet in an attempt to not be caught, he had nearly picked up all the bottles, when he had only had one left. He looked at it. It was dieting pills. He could tell by their light weight that you had used the before, not just one of those useless purchases that you made. He walked back through to you with the bottle of medicine. He noticed how deadly thin you looked. Your Collarbones sticking prominently from your skin, how thin your thighs were, how small and bony your wrists were. 

Yet he still said nothing.

Then Jungkook discovered the blades.

You and Jungkook were going to a party together. You were in your bathroom perfecting your make up. " Jungkook, can you go and get my Black Lipstick? Its in my bedside table, top draw. Jungkook went to go and get your lipstick. Your top draw was filled with a lot of rubbish, and various other makeup products, finding this lipstick would require a lot of searching. He took nearly everything out of your draw. He looked and saw 3 little razor blades in the corner that were hidden by countless socks, makeup wipes and a hairbrush. They were clean and shiny, he carefully held them as to not cut himself. He shuddered at the thought of these gleaming pieces of metal slicing your delicate skin. He was so distracted he forgot about your lipstick. "Jungkook, have you found my lipstick?", "Yes" Jungkook said as he threw everything back in your draw and Clutched the lipstick.

Finally Jungkook saw your scars on your arm.

You were at home and Jungkook walked in your apartment to surprise you, he grabbed your arm a bit too aggressively as he pulled you in for a hug. He noticed your face wincing and looked at your wrist. There were angry red cuts all up your wrist. He looked at you in sadness and worry. You hid your face in embarrassment and ran and locked yourself in the bathroom. That night Jungkook didn't mention it, in fear it would make you uncomfortable and would ruin the rest of the evening.