Trapped✔️

6

H O L D E N

Present

It wasn't until they were situated in the backseat of Hailee's car, Bobby sleeping in the car seat behind them, Nina a seat away from him, and his sister speeding down the highway like a maniac, that Holden asked, "So, are we good?"

He faced Nina, desperate for an answer but trying not to show it. Actually, screw it. Screw hiding his feelings; there were years of secrets and misunderstandings pushing them apart. All of it - every moment they spent apart - felt like, no, was a waste. They could have been incredible together; they will be incredible together.

Nina, however, looked uncertain, not quite seeming to agree with his opinion of their relationship. She was cautious, and he couldn't blame her. He closed his eyes in regret for all the ways he hurt her, all the times he hurt her, left her, broke her. But all they could do now - all they would do now - was move forward.

"No," Nina finally answered. "But we're going to be... At least, I hope so."

"Yeah." Holden hung onto her hand. "I know we will."

Nina turned to him, eyes filled with an intensity that felt like a cheese grater had replaced his ribs, rubbing his heart raw with every beat. "When I left you at the hospital, Holden..." She swallowed, tears welling in her eyes, but held his gaze steady. It stabbed at him a little more, to think of how difficult it must have been for her, the simple act of holding his gaze, of not hiding, not running the way they were both accustomed to. "It wasn't just to hurt you the way you've hurt me. It was because I needed to fix myself. I was at such a bad place in my life, Holden. You kept leaving me, and we were both running from the pain that our parents caused us, that we caused each other. I needed to remind myself that Nina Edwards was worth something. Even if no one made me feel like it."

You've always been worth everything to me, his heart whispered. But have you always made her feel like it? His head argued.

"We may not always have been good for each other. But we've always been worth fighting for." Nina rested her head on his shoulder. It was at once foreign and familiar, the weight of her head against his shoulder, her hair soft when he touched it. But where it had smelled of some fruity, floral scent when they were younger, the aroma seemed to have changed as their relationship had; now it held a hint of citrus and musk.

"You smell different," Holden remarked quietly as the car raced down a winding stretch of highway. "Your hair, I mean."

Ever since he could remember, he'd been more comfortable with instruments than people, which was why he'd adopted a bad-boy persona, because expressing real feelings would be far too difficult. But Nina... Nina made him want to try, made it easier to try.

"Good different or bad different?" She murmured, sounding drowsy.

The sleepy tone of her voice stoked a desire in him; he wanted to fall asleep with her as they had done when they were children, staying up too late talking, the rhythm of each other's words pulling them to sleep. God, he was sentimental. "Good, Nina." Always good.

"Didn't think the two of you would have much to talk about," Hailee remarked as she took a screeching turn. Her driving was always horrendous on the freeway. "I mean, you haven't exactly been best friends for a while."

He turned his head to the right. Nina seemed to have fallen asleep on his shoulder. "No, we haven't. But I think things have changed."

Hailee laughed, harsh and short and bitter. The divorce had left her that way, having to grow up quickly in order to take care of him when their mom was depressed. "Just don't get too close, little brother. You've never seen how much power Nina Edwards truly has over you."

"What do you mean, Hailee? I thought you two were friends." Holden tensed, his fist curling around a strand of Nina's hair.

"She broke you, Holden." Hailee met his gaze in the rear view mirror, her eyes dark and intense. She'd always taken after their mother in that department, while he had their father's blue eyes.

"I broke her, too."

"Do you hear yourself? I love Nina, I do, and we are friends, but you have never seen how Nina manipulates you. And she is such a - " Hailee sighed. "She slept with Todd, Holden. The night that she let you get into Harry's car while he was drunk, she was screwing her boyfriend."

"Don't you dare call Nina a slut, Haiz. Don't you frigging dare." He could feel himself getting angry, and bit down. His tongue bled, but Holden hardly felt it. "She is a good person. Just because she chose to party while you chose to - "

"I didn't have a choice. I was busy taking care of all of you, making sure you and Mom had dinner, and getting Robert to elementary, and trying not to fail my classes! I didn't have a frigging choice, Holden."

"Well, you can't take it out on her! I won't let you." His temper flared, but inside his head a voice asked, is she so wrong?

"You won't let me? Holden, you have never had a choice when it comes to Nina. Don't you see how bad she is for you?" The car sped up, as did Holden's heart rate.

"Hailee, slow down!" He breathed a sigh of relief as she did so. "What do you have against her? That she broke me, or that she took me away from you?"

She screeched on the brakes, pulling over. When his sister wasn't speeding, she was a very responsible driver. "Just because it would have been nice to have you around, doesn't mean I needed you."

"Yes, you did." He didn't know how he could speak so calmly when his heart felt like it was going to throw itself out of his chest. "You needed me to not be so irresponsible. You needed me to not get hurt when Nina left me. I'm sorry, Hailee. I'm sorry I let her hurt me, but I will never be sorry for loving her."

As he spoke the words, he knew they were the most honest ones he'd said in a long time.